NOw coming to the more serious part of the camp.. liaoz. Lotsa of things.. beyond words can describe.. Even on the first day gettin to there.. already so blue n sian liaoz.. really bothered n feeling very depressed... dunno wat is it all abt.. probably the same old things.. jus tt.
Sometimes jus dunno whether should i tell pple how i feel... sometimes its really overwhelming.. simply dunno who i can talk to.. pple hav their own problems.. haiz. End up sittin there on the bench.. at first was planing my 5 - 10 again but end up.. cryin dunno for how long... There a great fear inside my heart.... really fearful.. n its have to apprehen it.. esp whether will i go overseas will be confirm very soon.. its jus scares me... It hurts alot when reminded of my sickness.. how things will be.. n thought abt marriage.. its simply jus make things worst.. its simply jus tt.. cried for two nites in a row except for the last nite.. cannot cause alicia lim was with me at the beach.. also going thru a tough time.. kinda surprise tt she asked me to go to the beach with her.. well had a good talk with her.. listenin to her.
So far think no one knows wats happened to me.. at the nitez.. sometimes jus wish someone would be there with me.. e presence.. would make a diff. Wish things were alot diff. i findin it hard to control emotions at tis point of time.. its really painful.. Dunno jus feel the way.. maybe its wat i felt.. Nothing i can do but jus bear with it.. Well maybe its a good thing.. rather then e other way ard.. I am jus confused on wat to do n how to go abt doing it.. feelin crushed..
Matter of fact.. i feel very detached frm the pple ard me. Really feel out of place.. in kaleo. Everyone so close to one another, jus felt like i am intrudin in, breaking the peace. Feeling very lonely, stranger, like communication break down like tt... Maybe in the first place i shouldnt be inside.. If watever i feel its true.. i truely give blessing n prayer, wish the best for "thez" So much things inside my heart.. cant pour it out at all.. =( tears comin again soon.. haiz.
The pain, sadness all stash up
Bottled over all the years...
Cracks will appear, leaking starts...
Tears will fall n a broken heart...
