Time passes fast
Waiting, enduring, holding on
Has everything already gone and pass
Or all but the one has yet to arrive

Looking back with no regrets
Looking ahead with contempt
Wondering how it will be
Or it will never be

Still holding on
Still waiting upon
Still trusting
On God our rock no matter what happens

so much stuff on my mind but cant even write a single thing on it. Still hanging in there, still holding back, enduring and tryin to be natural as well. But deep within, the emotions twist and twist to such extent tt its really unbearable. Jus like the wire i was untwisting out in the cold, took so long and in the end, both hands and shoulders are hurting but the wire is still untwisted. Hav i done something wrong again, everything jus seems so out of tune or maybe i am losing it. Lord, what should i do?? Whats the next step??

Such confusion i am in after praying the prayer. Thought it might be a good thing, it is in a way... but i am feeling like i am in a kind of a fixed. It really a weird feeling, the next three days gonna be tough... i think... Probably more to come, this is the result of facing the issue head on...

An answer is needed, thing needs to be clarified, wisdom is needed to keep on the right track. A tongue tt needs to be tame and watch over, wrong words at the wrong time simply means big big problem.. so sticky tt its gonna be hell of a time getting out. After being free, things will be changed and never be the same again, it can be a good or bad change. Treading carefully and cautiously now

Just now came across a song while flipping through the praise and worship song book. It's title "Something Beautiful" Even as i begin playin n singing the song, just could felt God presence and His comfort surrounding me. Started crying, been cryin quite a fair bit. In the midst of tears, said a prayer. I dunno if its consider a foolish prayer on my part or a good thing. But God hears it and if its according to His will, i believe it will be answered. It was difficult to mouth the prayer but manage to finish it. The song simply says.. even though in the midst of confusion and even though all we can offer to God is our brokeness and strifle, God always make something beautiful of the tough situations in our life.

Sometimes, i might wonder what beautiful thing results from such bad situations. It's simply the love of God and experiencing Him in a really close way tt bring hope and joy into our life again. It shows that God is piggy-baggin me on His back and comforting me through out this period of time. He wipes the tears away and tell us that He loves us, gaze upon Him, depend on Him. Isn't it beautiful at all. To me its more than just beautiful and its simply beyond words and description.

Something beautiful

Something good

All my confusion, He understood

All I have to offer Him was brokeness and strifle

But He made something beautiful of my life

Short, simple, yet so powerful and moving. Such is the love of God, it's just that simple, He loves us even more than we can ever imagine.

Came across a quote by Max Lucado tt really struck me. It kinda of saying this:

"Face your giants yourself, you will be struck down and crying for help"
"Face God instead, the giants will tumble and fall"

It really struck me, as i am facing one of the bg giants in life. I need to even seek God more each day to make sure the giants tumble and fall. At times, it might seem difficult and impossible but God is the One who make all things possible. In God, i will overcome...

When cracks are appearing, how long does it take for it to be shattered? Not long i suppose, doing all i can and all i know it still increasing and overflowing and cracks result. Is this to be seized and throw off the feet and laying still and crippled on the ground. Not knowing whether to move and stand up. Not knowing when the next blow will come again. Things just happen in really unexpected and weird ways, sometimes leaving the person totally lost not knowing to laugh or to cry. I cannot help but wonder, am i doing the right way or not... i might just be too dumb and too hard to be able to listen to answer from God.

Surely I have cried enough or is it just the starting of the tearing season. If only these tears can be used to help the drought wouldnt it be great. Talking a tears... just today maybe around 3 times liaos. Can't really help it but have to let it go. Too much stuff bottle up, pretty much also lack of sleep for 3 days.

The tears we shed
The cries in the secret
The pain that hurts

God sees our tears
God hears our cries
God feel our pain

God never said there isn't rainy days
God never said there isn't sunny days
God promise that He will always be with us

Even when the world ends
His love for us never changes
He always say,"I am here, My child"

Finally get to start on my free online christian course. Even at the start, it really blew my mind abit. I was kinda brought to areas where i didnt really think much or consider as it simply seems straight forward but as a matter of fact, it means alot and will really aid in beefing up my personal foundation in believing Christ. There alot of stuff ahead, believe that these course will aid me in the journey ahead.

Also to thank God for open the hearts of my parents, they simply agreed to let me plan my stuff and trust in me. I told them about my plans to head off to Canada asap and they agreed with it. Even thought, i felt certain sadness in their tone but in a way there was these joy in their hearts as well that their son has grown up and mature. I really love my parents and honouring, obeying God comes first in priority, i believe that my parents will come to know and accept Christ in new future. God will look over my family.

It actually quite frustrating having everything stuck inside. If only i can let it all out one short. That would be so great, saying everything without having to worry about anything.

Just looking into her eyes
Saying the words stuck inside
Making it known to her

Just sitting down at the beach
Watching the sunset together
Marveling at the beauty of God's creation

Just being there for her
Listening to what's she saying
Providing the shoulder for both joy and tears

Just walking hand in hand
Enjoying each other presence
Thanking God for everything and for her specially

If and if only... just thoughts as it is.. whether it happens or not, i have no idea. It's all in God's hands. Wish she's the one and that she knows... =)

Exams are finally over.... yeah now is waiting for results. This is the time of waiting and trusting God to move and provide the way. Within like 2-3 mths i will be leaving this place i think or maybe earlier or later. Lord you have to move in to guide and lead me. I can do t without you at all. Lord i really hope tt i will be able to work even for a short period of time here before i go back and tt i will be able to get a job in canada as well. i really cant stay in sg for too long as it will prove to be difficult to leave as well.

I am still fighting the internal battle. The turmoil and the pressure is strong but stil i have to compress it and not let it leak out as it will be very problematic. Anything will be fine after i leave i suppose.. Lord i trust in You.

Just need to blog.... now is the time, the more I can depend on God, the more I will do it. I remember the song by Chapman Curtis.. "Bring it on". Watever thing that comes along the way tt is difficult and impossible for me to achieve, then all the more i can trust and depend on God instead. Thus i will face it with God strength and not depend on myself. I will triumphed over it. I will still pray and wait upon the Lord for the final answer and wait for His right timing. Perservering results in patience and trust in God.

And it is only through this that i can learn to how to fight hand in hand with God. Though times, i will slipped, fall and eat dirt and grim. I will stand up with strength from God and conquer it. Becos in God all things are possible!!!

Though things arent always the way we want it to be but the choice for us to choose if we want to be angry, sad, happy. I tried all i can today to present a cheerful self for peg's bday. I tried but things are just tough. I didnt really want to dampen the atmosphere at all.. i seriously tried. The strain, brokeness still hangs around. Eyes swollen frm tears, try to sleep before going for it but cant sleep. End up feeling even down. I chose to remain cheerful but the wats inside was far more in concentrate and strength. It leaked out.. simply leaked out. Not in the best mood possible... but glad to hang out with frens, bros, sis'. Jus hope tt i didnt dampened the entire thinggy... at the end.. i really didnt want things to turn out this way.. but it did.. it did.. it just did..

Filled with confusion and turmoil within..
But choose to be joyful in the Lord

Overwhelmed by circumstances without full understanding
But choose to trust in God for everything that comes my way

Tears flows down with sadness and desperation
But choose to sing praises to the Lord

Cracks in the life, tears in the heart
But choose to be filled and overflowed with joy of the Lord

Whatever that comes my way
I will look to God and trust in Him

At road's end..

Totally broken... i am a human after all... I dont want to feel like this at all.. but tt it is what i am facing and feeling now.. It always happen tis way.. it always..

What is the main reason behind it?
Why does it appear again just when i thought everything is returned in prayer?
How am I suppose to deal with this and am I doing the right thing?
When will the answer appear or it has n tt i am just too blur n full to have miss it?