Finally today decided to see doc.. cause vomited in the morning.. so decided better go see doc, partly also becos of someone as well.. stupid rite.. The powerful combi of flu, cough, fever, plus some stomach wind.. sian sia. now waiting for time to eat my medication then go and sleep liaoz.. Also hoping to be able to see her online as well.. Got the feelin like long time nvr see her like tt.. though its only couple of days.. silly boy... guess its normal. Brrr.. feelin very cold.. fever coming back again... well at least i can get better nite rest n sleep.. but i rather remain healthy instead of sick... jus wait n see how ba..

wah.. fallin sick feel so terrible.. flu on on off.. feelin cold n feverish. haiz.. too bad tt sat slept in the air-con room now kena e flu virus.. dunno who my dad or frm someone else. Had a great time.. with e guys.. n gals on fri nitez.. late supper.. seems like some hidden agenda going on.. during then. Somehow i think i am involve in it.. haiz.. things seems alot better.. at least i know wat i am going to do.. liaoz.. but kinda nervous abt it.. well... tellin her but so far not much chance... well.. jus have to wait on for e chance to come.. still kinda miss her though.. haha.

Sat, had a great game of basketball.. really enjoyed.. it. tt probably blow up my sickness.. cause in the morning already got e stupid flu.. but dunno y still continue to play.. cheeky i guess.. jus hope tt my condition gets better over the days.. next wk is pc wedding thingy liaoz.. really glad for him. He mus be super excited n nervous i guess.. haha. Wonder if mine will ever come.. sia. lookin at myself.. haiz.. wat ever.. gonna turn to God for everything.. He has the best plan available at the moment.. jus tt i mus constantly focus on Him... Worst thing to happen is one ear in e other ear out.. how many things i learn have i applied into my life.. lookin at it.. like nothing at all.. feel shameful n guilty abt it as well... haiz.. my nose now is like a tap.. flowing non-stop. better go rest early tonite ba..

In need of a haircut.. untidy n irritating. Tomolo definitely need to cut my hair. Finally make up my mind to tell her, though it will be better to say to her face to face over drinks n food.. which i think its impossible. She's always so busy.. really hard to meet up with her or maybe fact is she doesnt want to at all.. feel tis way. but i really dunno. Well.. the heart is indeed extremely heavy, draggin it longer makes it even more worse.. Also dunno y recently feel so hungry even i have eaten quite a lot of food liaoz.. need to cut down on food n weight.. haiz..

Jus hope i could settle e issue in my heart once n for all. really mus jia you... God need yer help.. really need courage n strength.. clear minded, will power..

Tears

Brings e glitter in the eyes...
Brings comfort to the eyes...
Can be tears of joy...
Can be tears of pain...

Tears of joy....
Happiness, hope, love, cheerfulness follows....
Infects everyone, sharing the joy....
Brings a smile, brightens up the day....

Tears of pain...
Hurt, sorrow, sadness, confusion, despair...
Affects everyone around...
Day seems moody and dark...

Tears release the emotionals inside us...
Be it joy or pain...
In pain, tears sometimes enable us to see things clearer in perspective...
Tears brings comfort to the eyes, moisturises it, wash away the dirt....

Sometimes tears just wouldnt come...
So where's the tears when we need them the most...
Sometimes, there no answer to the question...
Well, just be glad that we can have tears...

Interview today... well, its jus between the agency and me. Got a another offer as a receptionist.. jus hope all things goes well.. let God decide whether i get the job or not.. Time gettin shorter.. next month nov. counting down liaoz.. At least feeling slightly better today... wondering how is she?? Hope she still cheerful, with tt beautiful smile on her face still. =) Jus hope one day i can jus tell her everything.. let the stone in my heart be removed.. ba. Not easy as i hope it will be.. but gonna have to try... wat r e repercussions.. i really have no idea.. Jus have to trust God...

Cooking.. haiz.. cooked vegies.. end up some of them "chao ta" really need to buck up men.. if not.. family will suffer eatin e food.. feel so paiseh.. Well.. practice makes perfect, jia you ba.. boy..

Signz... msn died on me.. ahhh.. cant believe.. it happen tis way. Well.. guess its a break frm my normal routine of tt.. haha. Tomolo interview, hope things go well.. n get a temp job.. also hope i can go for the kaleo camp if i manage to get the job. Sun was great.. games... well, enjoyed myself.. great workout.

well.. at e end of the day flash back of some sad memories came back into my mind.. Dunno whether it jus coincidental or it came back into my mind for a reason.. Well.. jus feel moody again.. moody, moody, moody.. ahh.. get back up... haiz..

Egrpzz

Interesting.. Dr Lim lead.. fung han busy with work.. Questions to ponder upon.. "wats keeping me from serving God fully?" Thinking abt being God's temple.. our body.. As Dr Lim mentioned tt tis body is leased to us by God, its like Ark of the Covenant. All the more we should treat it with respect, taking good care of it. Hmmm cant remember where e verses stated abt worst punishment for continual sins.. scary.. Time to wake up.. n buck up!!

Jobs... kinda gettin on my nerves.. liaoz. Tryin to find a job seems so hard and tough.. Markets bad, mom not happy with me stayin at home.. Been tryin but seems like everything is shunning me, haiz. Well jus have to leave it to God. Feel much relieved today.. worries are still there but lesser.. glad she better, thk God.

Diff. times, diff things happens ard.. jus hav to be more observant lah.. now guess it abt i try to sort out my own stone in my heart.. tough dunno how to go abt doin it. Jus feel so silly at times... hope tonite will be a good nite of rest. Hope it is also well over for her as well. =)

Realise something.. i am gonna be a very bad hair dresser.. tried to help my mom dyed her hair.. think end up dyeing her scalp instead. Another day.... time seems to be flying by fast...

Suddenly feel so lost n confused.. know tt God is there.. the burden in my heart needs to be cleared.... heavy hearted, how am i going to approach it... Hide it, push it aside, it definitely will come back again.. which might jus make things so much worst... Got so much things in mind.. jus wanted to let out.. but it jus cant form into words... feel like being torn apart.. by emotionals. Believe God will bring me thru.. jus have to abide n wait.

God's Love

Love letter, hmmm....
Heartbeat increases, cheeks blush...
Who could have sent it...
Thoughts, imagination runs wild...
Who could the person be.....
Arent it exciting and mysterious...
Jus only a love letter....

Imagine a love letter from God...
Already sent and addressed to us...
Where, how, did i misplaced it....
How did it go unnoticed, such a important letter...
It not gone, non-unnoticed, its right before us...
Its none other then God's ten Commandments...
It is the display of our Father's love...
It is not chains that bound us and lock us down...

It is simple guidelines for our life...
Bringing us closer to God...
Teaching us to listen, obey, love Him...
So that we will not live a life that brings us to utter destruction...
Search my heart oh Lord, remove any things that is displeasing you...
Create in me a pure heart, Lord.
That I will learn to treasure your Words in my heart...
That i will not sin against you...
Renew and restore me...
Forgive me of my sins and transgressions...

Knowing that this world will not last...
Teach me Lord to seek things that are eternal...
From you Lord, flows the river of life...
Whoever drinks of it will never be thirsty again...
How great is Your love for us...
That You send yer One and Only Son to die on the cross for us...
For us, He bear all the sins and iniquity on Himself...
Washes us clean with His blood...
Rising unto heaven on the third day...

All the things You have done for us is becos of love...
So many times we have sin, neglected, turned away...
Breaking Your heart so many times...
But becos of Your love for us..
You never give up, continuing to love and forgive us...
Thank you Lord for all you have done for us...
Teach me Lord to love you more...

=(

Really seems like this period of time.. things jus simply goes from bad to worst.. Everyone seems to be going thru transition in life.. Been feeling really downcast and moody, day by day... seems never ending. Even when i am able to sleep.. its doesnt seems to help much.. next day feeling sick and more tired then ever.. Jus dunno... haiz..

Everyday, mental battle jus rages on...
Wondering when will it never come to an end....
Sleepless nitez, heartaches, headaches follow suit...
Emptiness, loneliness, sadness seem to add on...

Imagination, thoughts on rampant, battering the tired mind...
Pondering, thinking, wondering why, how...
Whats and where the solutions and options...
Stand down, take control, forget, shut down....

Emotions, just the thought of it is enough to stress out...
Feeling always there, good and bad...
Liking a person, thinking abt a person, caring, worrying for her...
Will it end up being oppressive, pushing and cornering the person...
Should there ever be a limit in the care, concern, worry...

To protect her heart...
To prevent stumbling her...
To prevent being a mental burden in her life...
To prevent being a pain...
To be there for her.....

Am i the one for her...
Do i deserve her full attention....
Am i the one she will marry...
Will i be able to provide and give to her security, home, etc....
Will i still love her ten - twenty years down the road...

Questions, its never ending....
Simply miss her....
Hoping to see her....
Hoping that she will be happy, keeping the beautiful smile on...
Wishing her good sleep, health, happiness...
Praying that she will find the man that is for her...

Thinking back, many chances, opportunities...
Are they wasted...
Coming to the bare truth again...
Who in control of my life...
God should be the focus...
He knows how we feel...

Praying to Him for answers and solutions...
Either Yes, No, Wait...
God is trying to protect us...
Preventing us from making stupid mistakes that hurt both parties...
Just have to trust and wait upon the Lord...
For He's the only one that can help me master my emotions...

Thoughts??

East Coast Park.... nice place to go to... sun, sea and sand. Seems like lotsa of things are happening.. kinda sad and worryin as well... Enjoyed the games n the fellowship..

Sittin at the break water there.. pening down thoughts.. time gettin shorter each day. Soon it will be nov... lookin on to the day i will be leavin for my studies, somehow.. feel excited n scared. So many things.. mus let go, really find it hard to accept. So many words.. so many thoughts.. jus dunno where to start.. Jus couldnt mouth the words out.

Lookin at the sea.. today.. thoughts started rollin back.. Sea itself is frightening... remember at port dickson.. camp. Standing at the sea there.. watchin the waves roll onto the shore wettin my feet. Sense a deep sadness.. starin at the waves.. feelin sorrows being drown away. Suddenly had e urge to jus wade deeper.. in.. Thought of death... seas seems to be calling out to me.. askin me to walk deeper in. When in pri. sch.. statin thinkin abt death.. going to hell, havin to go thru all the torture.. cried real badly.. But when its bright.... the sea really looks so safe n peaceful.. Seems like my worries are back again...

Feel so drained... yesterday nite didnt sleep at all.. .men grp early in the morning.. stoned liaoz.. Jus now went for the seminar on successful learning.. quite interesting, learnt things applicable in life and studies, careers, stuff.

Today in Men grp.. hmmm.. indeed, this chapter seems quite more for marriage.. guess frm there as mention by pastor.. theres something to learn.. so in prepare for the future as well as now. Learning to be humble, resolute, sensitive, taking the step foward, doing wat is required for us to do.. Fact Jian Shin... mention abt.. the motives behind doing all tis.. if doing jus for the sick of feel good.. n personal reasons.. guess its really wasting.. in the end we will get tired.. n ask "wat e point for doing all tis..? "Y mus i do tis.??" As a matter of fact we need to hav the focus on God instead of our ownselves.. Everyone is tired... today. be it whether we sleep well or not.

Yesteday nitez... even with blank mind still cant sleep.. thoughts jus rushed ard.. headache coming back again.. Start to think abt her again. Simply jus miss her =) sounds quite stupid n silly.... Fri. nitez. watch movie hopin tt the headache will go away.. but it seems always to be there.. feelin heavin headed.. Now eyes are also bloodshot. liaoz.. feel kinda feverish.. flu attack.. hope i will be okay tomolo.. tt God will heal me.. as well. haiz..

Fingerprints

Fingerprints, who doesnt have...
Unique in its way, different finger different prints..
Part of our body, lives....
Fingerprints for security purposes,
Fingerprints for identification,
Fingerprints for ownership...

Food, items, stuff...
Imagine seeing fingerprints all over it...
Sight of it makes us uncomfortable....
Ever cross our mind, we are covered with fingerprints....
Whose fingerprints are we covered with.....
Even thought of it, yucky isnt it....

Ownership is the clue...
God created us thus He own us...
We are covered with fingerprints of our Creator...
From dust we were created...
Given the breathe of life...
Alive we become...
Sinful we become, separated from God...
Till Jesus came, and die for us...
Reunited with God through Jesus our Saviour...

Formed and knitted we are by Him in our mom's womb..
Fearfully, wonderfully made are we...
Intricately woven we are...
Our frame, every single detail, He knows...
How lovely and caring our Creator is...
How wonderful is His works...

Trials, obstacles, crossroads...
Pain, sadness, worries blinded us...
Tears filled our eyes, broken hearted we are...
Questioning God we sometimes do...
Sometimes silence really hurts...
Where is God, sometimes He jus seems so far away...

Difficults times in life may be tough...
Unnerving it seems...
Hopeless, despair seems never ending...
But He is always with us...
It may not seem so to us...
But the fingerprints are the proof..

Moulded, refined are we by God...
Through difficult times, trials, obstacles,
We learn to trust God, become closer to God...
Perserverence, endurance, trusting God...
Remain steadfast, stand the test...
To grow in Christ likeness...
God knows whats best for us, and He has does things for our good...

All we are master pieces of God...
Unique and different, perfectly planned...
Fashioned by God's own hands...
God is still working on us...
With great care, skill, love, attention...
Focusing on every little detail...

Covered we are with God's fingerprints...
Thinking of it, arent it assuring...
That God is changing and moulding us everyday...
Safe hands we are in...
All the more we should glorify Him...
Showing Him our gratitude...
Giving thanks always...
Glory, honour to God always, Thank You God!!