Today..

Another has passed.. today dinner was great.. kinda western.. haha. Cooking can be so much fun after all.. oil sputtering, smell of cooked food.. mmmm.. yum yum. Saw my dad came back.. he still sick.. n he is also havin bad diahearrea. Now really gettin worried.. prayed n hope tt God will heal n strengthened his body n health...

looks like i also cannot make it liaoz.. yesterday nite having problems sleepin again. ahh.. worst still my body reacted badly n now in worst of condition. Some worries jus simply wont go away it seems.. seein my dad n mom both also havin health problems worries me alot.. If i am overseas.. whose gonna be ard for them.. spend time with them.. accompany them. Couple of months more.. everything will be starting.. soon. Everything settled i will be flyin off in late jan i think.

Thinking of the pple i will be leavin behind.. now startin to miss them liaoz.. kinda startin a new life over there is tough.. unknown, blur, foggy... everything seems so unsure. every path i take... it meant a big deal... one wrong step... wat will happen.. haiz. can only turn to God., trusting Him.. for provision, vision, protection. All tis yrs.. He was with my family and me.. all the way.. even when i wasnt a christian.. its really a miracle tt i am still sitting and typing away.. =) thk God..

Now.. i feel more peaceful.. though worries are there.. as for her, fact tt she is sleep better, more cheerful.. really feel more glad. Thing is she still moody.. haiz.. Still e same for me.. dunno how long tis gonna really last.. Thing tt hav to be done.. has to be done.. jus hav to do it..

Sitting at the table, staring blankly at his com..
Moodiness fills him up, another day has passed...
Thoughts rush thru his mind, past, present and the future...

Past...
Mistakes made, lessons learnt, failure and success...
'God has brought him thru, never once leaving him alone..
Building from past experience, he moves on..

Present...
the life he is living.. changing as he grows..
Everyday is a learning process..
Obstacles, trials, cross roads....
He dealt with them one by one...

Future...
He tries to look ahead...
Ambitions, dreams, planing he has made...
Young as he was, guided by family....
Day has come.. He is no longer a teenager..
Adult hood beckons him on..
Thrown into the world...
Facing unknown circumstances...
Every step, every path, every decision seems crucial..
Every time he look ahead.. everything seems so blur, foggy...
Fear, worries, concern gripped him..
But hope is always there..
As he thought through...
All the years, God has brought him through difficult times in his life..

Turning to God...
He knows he is in safe hands...
God is the someone he can always turn to....
Loving and caring, providing...
God is only a prayer away...
Theres only one set of footprints in the difficult times of his life..
Because God has carried him thru those period..
For God is ever loving, caring, merciful..
Great is Thy loving kindness, and compassion...
Thank God...
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So long...

Hmm quite sometime seen i put my thoughts in.. Really thk God for e tears i shed... was ministered durin Don Moen concert.. indeed a great concert.. Eyes open.. n emotionals released..
Been a long long time since i cried... e released came at e rite time... God provided n brought me thru lotsa of storm.. lifted me, soared above n over e storms in my life..

Thk God for a wonderful and caring family.. fact is i still miss her alot.. guess its normal. Well.. i jus wan continue to be there for her in any ways i can.. Protecting her heart, not causing her to stumble, nor be a burden to everyone but a blessing. Really prayed tt she will always be happy.. =)

End of the wk coming...

Time breezes pass real fast... yesterday like nvr sleep like tt.. thk God for answering prayers.. Hmmm tonitez seems like a tough nite for me again... feelin the toil of tiredness. At least God give me rest in the evening time.. doze.. off for 2 hrs.. suddenly awake.. again.. mind started being active once again..

Still miss her... wat can i say. Yesterday type halfway.. stupid browser change lost all my typin arrhh.. hmm tomolo egrp n sat will be men grp plus St John reccee.. first time going there.. kinda excited though.. Will tonite be another sleepless nitez.. seems to me e nite is still young..but i not young anymore leh haha.. Jian shin Qn.. very good question to ask abt "Y".. been pondering over it.. convince myself. abt it.. seem tough.. Believe God will provide me a way to handle it.. Jus hav to keep prayin.. trusting, obeyin God in all tt i do..


Psa 119:105 Nun. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Psa 23:1 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
Psa 23:2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
Psa 23:3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psa 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psa 23:5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Psa 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Better Day, thk God!

Phew.. today seems much much better.. thought i still am fighting a mental warfare..
Yeah.. but slowly i believe God will bring me thru tis period of cross road.

Enjoyed e game of badminton.. sadly i worsen some of my injuries.. ahh.. okay lah.. at least i can stretch myself abit.. haiz.. putting on a lot of weight mus lost more Weight!! Sinful.. today still eat so much food.. ahh.. now super bloated..

Sending of Mr n Mrs Lee.. woo. wat a big crowd.. i see also *glup* really wish them all the best in e trip.. God be with them providing them with guidance, wisdom, protection as well. Interestin nite as well.. uncle justin car died.. wah.. push e car till like wanna collaspe.. legs achin madly.. Surprise.. Lynn help to push car n serve us drink.. wow.. haha.. so bad. May she hav a good rest tonite.. tomolo still got work. =) Other thing to thk God is tt Uncle justin is safely.. home. JUs hope tt his car left on the road side will be safe..

Time flies... nov is coming.. liaoz. medical.. checkup, n stuff wondering whether i can successfully clear it n get my visa.. If i leave my parents.. i really pray hard tt they will be okay n fine.. The two of them alone in sg.. cant help but be worried for them.. Gettin on age.., health also failin them.. they hav not receive Christ yet. Really hope i can pick up courage to share with them... e gospel.. I really hope i can be a good testimony for them.. tt my changed life will hav a good impression on them.. God love can be shown to them thru me..

Thoughts are still rushin thru my head.. wheezin pass.. round n round.. headache also comin back.. wah.. hope i wont worry too much for her n other stuff, tt i can hav a nite of sleep...

Falling Sickz..

Ahh.. finally fallin sick after such a long time.. God has been pushin me thru.. n helpin me.. all the time. Thk you God.. Come to the point of breakin down liaoz.. how i wish tears will fall.. but it jus cant seem to fall at all..

arhhh.. really need to outlet.. To tell her or not...

Chorezz...

Phew.. doing household chores can be so tiring.. vaccumming floors, windows, furniture.. mopping the hse.. Can feel my mom frustration when she doing all the work all by herself. Thk God for the chance and experience tt i hav.. at least i can help her lightened her burden by jus tt bit.

Will definitely work on doing a better job... though.. Learning to be a house man isnt as easy i thought it will be. Well.. while doing the chores.. i can spend time thinking abt things in life as well. Theres a need for me to trust in God more..

Good news.,.. yesterday i manage to sleep.. though i am still tired. but at least i get e previous sleep i need.. Thinking abt her is will but ponderin on it so much is useless. Life must still go on. Goals set is need to be achieve.. no matter. Prayin tt i can sort all tis things out before i make my study trip.. time short.. n flyin real fast..

Lord, restore onto me a heart tt is pure n longing for you. Let me not sin against you again.
May i be a good testimony for others and my family too Lord.

End of the day...

Hmm.. been wondering how many days of sleepless nitez.. hav i been through.. Today spend the whole day fixing up my com.. success! Now my dad's com is still problematic.. ahhh.. Not going to give up on fixing it up.. though...

Seems like my mind is ever thinking.. kinda scare as each day goes by.. At least i know that i can still turn to God. Havin a burden inside my heart.. eveynite its e same thing.. Worried about my family.. fact of going overseas.. They will be here alone, worried for their safety. Relationship.. =( tis is one area which i can never do well in.. Jus simply dunno how to handle it.. I always end up hurtin pple ard me.. Am i to tell her everything i feel?? Somehow i feel that she already knows abt my feelings toward her.. Maybe its really the time for her to know? how will she react.. i really dunno..

Liking someone.. and the need to protect her heart, n not let her be hurt.. its really tough..
Dear Lord, i really pray tt i will not cause her to stumble.. neither will i cause her to hurt and be a burden in her life.. Jus really feel bad when she tease becos of my presence.. Somethings are beyond wat our own human mind and strength but only way is to trust n commit it to God.

The Man

All alone, sat a man by himself,
Heart torn apart by sadness, failure, confusion, pain..
A perfect storm tats destructs everything,
Darkness and coldness strucks him unprepared,
Broken, beaten, left to ponder upons e reasons.

Hopes and dreams dash, everything greyed...
Everyday was a drag, trodding along..
Despair, hurt, pain, tearful nitez..
One day, he says "I mustl not cry anymore!"
Indeed, he keep his tears, determine to rebuild his life.
Turning to God, he pray and asked wisdom and guidance..

Everyday passes still, bounded by the past...
Wounds in the heart hurt, day by day his feelings numb away..
But God continued carry him thru all the tough times...
God send friends, using His Word to encourage him, pushin him on..
The man tried but jus doesnt know how to let go, till one day he shut himself..
Ever loving, ever caring, ever faithful, God refuse to give up on the man...
He whispers to the man through friends, bible, church sermons and many ways..
"Come to me, my child.. I know that you are tired, sad"
"In Me, you will find refudge, strength, recovery"

The man prayed, continue to work on rebuilding his life through God..
Many times, he disappointed God but God never give up on him..
God continue to love and guide the man in his life..
And today, the man has rebuilt part of his life with help of God..
Now, he knows that God is always there and listening to his prayers..
Trials in life may be painful but persevere and press on..
Its a refining process, character building process that make man more Christ like...
Even the biggest, most perfect storm might jus come..
But with God around, we can rest in Him for He loves and cares for everyone..
Tears still fall but its of hope and gladness,
for the man knows God is everything he has never needed..
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Deu 32:10 "He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.
Deu 32:11 Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them on its pinions,
Deu 32:12 the LORD alone guided him, no foreign god was with him.

Isa 40:28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
Isa 40:29 He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Isa 40:30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
Isa 40:31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Hmmm

Another day has passed.. thk God tt I was given more rest then i expected.. Cant imagine meeting pple at 0730.. end up waking up at tt time.. Thk God tt they are understanding.. well still make it to church late.. better then dont go at all ba.

hmm.. maybe its a good thing i didnt wear e shirt.. somehow jus felt tt she will be wearing e same colour.. . Guess it at least prevent teasing on both sides ba... Jus cant help but wonder did i do something wrong today.. did i hurt her feelings.. I really dunno... Something seems to be bothering her alot.. well.. maybe i jus not e person she can talk to.. hmmm.. Thing changes very fast.. seems like yesterday. Wat a mental battle i had today...

But still thk God for things in my life.. a training process.. =)

Tired, sick, headache.... bloated mind. haha

Last nite.. cant even sleep at all.. Kinda worry for her end up cant sleep even after stop thinking of stuffs.. will tonite be another sleepless nitez..

Haiz.. am i doing the rite thing.. Is standing down an option for me? Been tryin, so hard. Cant help but wonder am i causing her lotsa of problems in addition to wat she already has?? Jus dunno wat to do. Having feelings for somebody.. but controling it is tough.. emotions kinda torturing at times.. haha. Being like n liking someone is jus as painful n headache.. Really hope i can handle tis thing well.. n not cause any problems, n end up hurtin feelings of others.

Big Bro's B'day n stuffz!

Hmmm.. today hav quite a fun time.. being poked at haha(as usual).. Never feel so blur before, dont seems to be myself at all. Glad to see everyone enjoyin e celebration.. by rite we should be payin instead end up e bday boy paid for everything. Cant help but wonder who is the "wang wang" person PC is refering.. feelin kinda stupid.. today too.

Thankful for my gang of bros.. bun, bert, pc.. known them since sec.. fun bunch. Today also went to sell.. stuff to cash converters.. hmmm nvr once realise tt it can be so fun.. (-_-") Thk God for PC who help us.. heez..

Another Dayz......

Phew....time zooms past fast. Another nite of sleepin problems.. in fact i dunno. Emotions.. a gift from God. Without them probably be a dull n dumb person.. like a walkin robot only reactin to commands n rules.. no will or ability to think for oneself but jus listen to instructions.

Hmm... when will i ever learn to not let my emotions overtake me n make myself do things harmful to others n myself. Wish i could always use my emotions to honour God n help others. Thk God, for all tt He has done n provided for me. He's always my refudge n strength n He always carry me thru when life is at the lowest.

"Give me the bible when my heart is broken.
When sin and grief has filled my soul with fear,
Give me the precious words Jesus spoken.
Hold up faith's lamp to show my Saviour near"

Lord, teach me to turn to you always and tt remind me bible is the yer Word n tt is where i can learn more abt you.

Wat a mindful...

Life strange.. nvr expected it to come so fast.. Seems like going mad, one after another wave bashing. Should hav realise tt it will come knockin at e door of the heart.

Thoughts flyin thru e mind.. how long can a person handle it... results in sleepless nitez.. will it ever end?? Wish i could jus let go n commit it to God.. turning to my refudge, strength.. without Him probably would hav gone mad. haha. No matter how hard i tried, it jus comes back again...