Still havent blog on the mission trip yet.. but still want to put it on hold. Today, i finally made the decision.. to give up.. really to give up. Feeling for her... desires, everything.. giving it up. It took me a long time.. everytime i tried to give up somehow it stucks on. Finally today the decision was made.. i will continue to pray for her and the other guy. I mus admit the feeling of doing it really pure discomfort.. but it will serve well.

Jus remember what God said to me thru' Ben.. "COMPLETE.. God wants you to be complete in Him.. and completely belong to Him." Basically, to be complete in God and be completely His, is to give up everything to Him and let His will and Spirit fill me to the brim. And everything tt is done is to for God and to bring glory to Him.. i will strive to achieve that.

"To be the man after God's own heart"

"To serve God and let His will and plan be my"

"My life only for the Lord"

Hmm.. after much thought.. today decided to make the decision. Well.. it's to give up on the girl tt i like. Even from the start been trying too hard to control feelings but rather now i am converting the feelings to that of a brotherly feelings to his young sister. The sourness will be there.. but in the end it seems to be the best remedy.

Will continue to pray for them, maybe not long after they will be together. They do match each other in terms of talents and character. Standing together makes them seems like a couple. Couple of times.. saw a pic of a piece of wood and a wedge seems to be driving into it splitting it into two. The wedge is like me.. quite a lot of times.. seems to be caught in situations tt make me feel like a wedge.. and i rather not be there.

At the end, jus wanted the best for her and well this option seems to be the best so i should take it. Probably this will never get out to anyone.. cos it will cause heaps of percussion effect.. which i felt might happen. So hav to endure it..

Its a foregone conclusion... yeah pretty much. Today is the best day, i ever felt after the days n weeks of tiredness and tears. Probably coming to the point where i dun really feel tt sad. It still hangs around but not as bad though. Prayer does help still the main test is coming

Still thk God i have graduate from QUT finally!! Now is really the time to get on to the next chapter. The focus isnt on her and but rather the plans of getting into Canada and preparing for the call. Trust and depend on God... but still tired and drained. Keep dozing off ahh.. Will still keep praying for the both of them...

Been asking, why its so difficult in liking and loving a person. Cant it be any easier than abc? Pretty much, the answer came back i think. If things are gotten so easily, we probably wont treasure it nor really cherish it much. But something tt been waited for and longed for, it builds up the love for it, to really cherish it, to love it, to take care of it. Tt y marriage is a sacred thing, as bible has mentioned. Its not jus to have the person but also to desire tt the person has the best in their life as well i suppose.

Couple of hours at the beach isnt really enough time to let down everything. Couldnt have wish for more time, probably alone at the beach. It just hard to find a beach in brisbane itself, unless i have a car n driving license... sighzzz.

Yesterday took another walk along southbank... didnt want to stay at home, jus want to be alone, ponder and a lot of things flash past again and again. Jus wondering wat is really happening, the reason behind all that. All i know is i have to wait and trust, be patient until God shows more. It abit hard though, thinking too much unwanted stuff in the mind, but thing refuse to go away. Everyday, end up with a tired mind.. so tired.. n drained emotionally, spiritually as well. The acid test is coming soon, somehow foresee it to be a teary period of time. It gonna be tough. But bring it on.. so i can depend on God rather than my own strength.

The nite at the gold coast beach, its been a while since i went to the beach. The cool breeze, beautiful moon light, splashing of the waves upon the shore. It will really be great to be able to spend time with the special person. End up, we 4 guys just have a great time at the beach.

Things are kept pretty much in control but still lotsa of stuff running to my brain. Dunno whether i should be thinking of tt, tried really hard, prayed n stuff. It sticky as usual. Its hard to bottle everything in... but tt the only way at the moment, cont praying n trusting God.