Seasons in life.. sometimes, its such season that one is really brought to his knees and desperation.. where rest so to be in denial and troubles just piled up and up. I asked this question... what is the preparation and where and how does it link up. It seems like something big is happening and theres a need for prep. But no matter how it seems it jus doesnt really linked up. The amt of pain, physical, emotional, spiritual all direction jus came crashing down. The fear was knowing that its a testing and having to gone thru' a state of decay and seeing body jus getting worse plus all the areas. Fear gripped me.. its a testing, but i cant seem to be able to go through this myself, i dunno how to share and who to share with.. feeling lost and confused. Am i going to end up cursing God and fail Him in this testing? As a matter of fact, God knows the outcome, that i can be sure that He will be victorious and His name be glorified. But the fear is there, what if i make the choice and i failed the test. Sometimes it seems better off not knowing that its a test.. maybe not.
Hav a long chat with Doz.. the things shared simply reflected the state.. i have been through this. It like the second time... having to come to the point of rest in God, the point of grace.. resting in His strength and peace when all things fail.. where physical sleep is been denied, where eveyr ounce of the body is screaming, where reasons fail and cannot be understand. The act of learning to come to the point of grace... crying out to God and really letting go of the defences and to be totally broken down. Thats when grace of God comes in right at the very moment before u crash fully and lifted by His grace.
Alot of times, i fight alot and i keep fighting and fighting.. all this while with my physical strength. everytime, i need the grace and strength of God to fight and thats only happens when i am willing to give up my strength and realise the its God's grace and strength tt i need each day. It the act of coming into His rest and sanctuary where peace and joy still fills the soul and heart when reasons and everything fail. s
Friday, November 17, 2006
Sink it it....
Jus today have a chat with ah mingz and ah hoongz.. its been really like ages.. since we sit down and chat. Even though its only a short while.. the feeling is great. Still remember going out with them in West End sitting down chatting and enjoying slurpy.. That was when i first came over haha...
Sinking in it.. share with them abt what happened.. to me during this period of time.. Words are hard to articulate whatever that has happened. It can only be felt and seen by the person's own eyes and body. I was once again brought to reason for going thru trials and refinement. Sometimes is we asked God for it and other times it just slam straight in the face. I am going to sink the reason into my heart and hold on to it always. It started on tt nite, i was thinking abt life in the bathroom.. I was brought to the story of the precious pearl and the merchant searching for it and give up everything just for the pearl itself.
Figurativelty, Jesus is the pearl and i am the merchant. The day i accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour is the day that i bought the pearl. Everything was sold and in exchange for the pearl. Nothing belongs to me becos i have sold them all to have Jesus in my life. Everything that i have including my body belongs to God. Its like God is lending it to me for period of time. I should all the more take care of myself and change my life style to keep healthy and strong for God's work and stuff. I decide to change my life style.
Next, i saw a image of a game which i am playing and was creating soldiers frm the barracks for war. Every soldier that came out frm the barracks shouted "My life for Lordaeron!". At this moment, the question pop into my mind, "Who does yer life belong to?" Being a christian, we are also soldiers for Christ fighting against the enemies. A soldier is loyal to his king and even to the point of death. I just simply start saying "My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!" Yes, this was the starting point of the testing. The night onwards, things jus simply become worst. I was really push to the point of going back on what i said. It was truely painful and long season to go through, but God grace and strength has brought me through. I will still say this words, " My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!"
Praise and Glory only to God!
Sinking in it.. share with them abt what happened.. to me during this period of time.. Words are hard to articulate whatever that has happened. It can only be felt and seen by the person's own eyes and body. I was once again brought to reason for going thru trials and refinement. Sometimes is we asked God for it and other times it just slam straight in the face. I am going to sink the reason into my heart and hold on to it always. It started on tt nite, i was thinking abt life in the bathroom.. I was brought to the story of the precious pearl and the merchant searching for it and give up everything just for the pearl itself.
Figurativelty, Jesus is the pearl and i am the merchant. The day i accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour is the day that i bought the pearl. Everything was sold and in exchange for the pearl. Nothing belongs to me becos i have sold them all to have Jesus in my life. Everything that i have including my body belongs to God. Its like God is lending it to me for period of time. I should all the more take care of myself and change my life style to keep healthy and strong for God's work and stuff. I decide to change my life style.
Next, i saw a image of a game which i am playing and was creating soldiers frm the barracks for war. Every soldier that came out frm the barracks shouted "My life for Lordaeron!". At this moment, the question pop into my mind, "Who does yer life belong to?" Being a christian, we are also soldiers for Christ fighting against the enemies. A soldier is loyal to his king and even to the point of death. I just simply start saying "My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!" Yes, this was the starting point of the testing. The night onwards, things jus simply become worst. I was really push to the point of going back on what i said. It was truely painful and long season to go through, but God grace and strength has brought me through. I will still say this words, " My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!"
Praise and Glory only to God!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Point of Grace
Each day, passes by and come to a point of time whereby everything jus fails and no reason could explain whats happening in life. What is ahead is as dark as the night fall and everything jus seems to disappear. Tears jus couldnt stop falling and cried simply seems unheard at all. Taking away the resistance, taking away the barrier, taking away everything the surrounds the person.
What left is jus himself and emotions, life laid bared for all to see. The point of breaking down and being push to the edge where death is the only release. Its only at this drastic point, the point of grace.. The grace of God seems so strong and overpowering, simply whispering this words, "My child, i am watching over you. Come to me, you will find yer rest in Me." Jus like a father, holding his child in his arms, the child just cried and cried. The grace that sustains and comes at the right moment, no wonder its call the sweet grace of God. In midst of everything being torn away and the grace of God is simply so sweet and comforting amidst the bitterness and pain that floods a person soul.
Each day of living through the life, is only by the grace of God, in this time of pain and testing, i really felt God's presence and His power. The words of His simply comforts me and my soul could find the rest and peace in Him alone.
What left is jus himself and emotions, life laid bared for all to see. The point of breaking down and being push to the edge where death is the only release. Its only at this drastic point, the point of grace.. The grace of God seems so strong and overpowering, simply whispering this words, "My child, i am watching over you. Come to me, you will find yer rest in Me." Jus like a father, holding his child in his arms, the child just cried and cried. The grace that sustains and comes at the right moment, no wonder its call the sweet grace of God. In midst of everything being torn away and the grace of God is simply so sweet and comforting amidst the bitterness and pain that floods a person soul.
Each day of living through the life, is only by the grace of God, in this time of pain and testing, i really felt God's presence and His power. The words of His simply comforts me and my soul could find the rest and peace in Him alone.
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