Haiz..

Still feeling the same.. going thru the notions in life.. huh.. wait long long ah.. SOmethings jus cant be said out. wat r the due consequences of it.. aye. THings gonna be worse.. returinin to the back.. jus wanna push it all off n start a new life..

Tis question came into my mind.. y am i still alive seeing the disaster taking away lifes of christian n non-christians.. by God's grace, i am still here. After all the things i done.. i dun deserve to be ard.. still God could simply jus u know.. yah. but still i am here.. so many chances given to me by Him.. cant i jus change for permanent?? matters of e heart.. never ending, jus cant help but wonder wat happen to avril. did i make her angry again?? haiz.. i dunno whether am i doin e rite thing again in this area. Aching.. n aching when thinkin abt it..

Maybe once over there.. everything will change.. to a certain extent. break away frm e tis place which contains both gd n bad memories. Jia you ba.. gottta try to make every minute count for the Lord..

Crashing down..

Haiz.. another time of headache liaoz. So wats going to happen next? Everything is back again to square one again.. Wat hav i done today.. feel so sick abt it. Well knowing tt definitely not the one... process of numbing is starting again. Its not a good thing i guess, only compressin all the feelings down n down n down.. in the end.. barrier breaks.. everything starts leakin out. phew. jus like a nuclear melt down.. disaster. Wat can i say to .. wat can i do.. how do i approach.. its jus seems so difficult. Y..

GUess i suppose to do so?? -_-"" definitley not e one i suppose.. ahhh.. headache. sadz.. watever. here i go again. haha. got so much things in my mind... want to write out but jus dunno wat they are.. jus bugging.. me.

Turmoil in the heart...

Painful.... like full of vinegar inside me.. terrible feeling. I know i shouldnt be feelin tis way.. but somehow it doesnt help much. Everything is already in front.. cant run away.. tried not to see, not to hear but feelings are still there.. doesnt help.. in anyway. Its always back to the same point again.. havin to start all over again. Feelin very sad.. but its jus the way it is.. back to zero again.. Dunno wat am i going to do.. dun wan to say wat i already said..

Had a walk to bus stop.. jus wanted e time alone.. wind blowing.. so coolin n shiok. but deep within is pain.. tt wats my name is abt. I really dunno wat to say... now. Feelings, emotions.. tough it is.. Jus wish i could jus burt everything out but some stuffs is better left unsaid.. yupz.. Maybe i am e big problem in pple life.. messing things up.. i am numbing myself n pushin pass e limits.. i dun wan to end up breakin down.. n become whom i used to be.. very high risk.. can see it happenin already.. jus like today.. =~(

backz.. again

Did i do well... for God?? Is mi life according to God will.. ? Nope.. i still e same old person.. haiz.. Got so much in me.. compressed feelings..

Well.. today wack lotsa of food again.. bad bad bad... i really numbing myself.. dun want to think too much abt wats happening.. knowing well, i cant take it much longer.. so shift e focus again.. somehow i think i change again.. good change i guess.. permanent as well haha. slowly openin up.. n becomin more frenly.. n approachable to a certain extent.. ba. part of me still reserve, tts e mysterious part of me... waiting to be figure out.. hee. Dunno how i am feelin today.. sad? happy? confused?? really dunno dunno dunno.. crazy haha

Question...

Something tt shouldnt be think of.. nor ask of... strangely it seems.. tugging at the heart.. fightin hard to keep mouth shut over it.. Some stuff can nvr be know one.. or shouldnt even be spoken.. knowin well the consequences tt it might jus bring along. Tough isnt it.. heart can be deceitful as well... should jus heed God's prompting.. n not let the heart control me.. cut off all sources tt will cause me to be affected.... heart's emotion is filling up to the brink.. simply feel like exploding.. tears seems to be coming.. somehow i seems to be compressing all the emotions.. n numbing myself again.. the 3/4 is decreasing..it seems.. haiz..

Almost there....

Guess i should be abt 3/4 cleared... on my side, i really hope so.. Somehow.. i am still affected, jus hope e 3/4 doesnt decreases as each day passes by.. Can feel it even now... i also dunno how did the words come out.... i wish it didnt.. cause till now i still confuse abt it.. guess it jus trust, jus flow with things?? i dunno. Seems like lotsa of stuff bothering me.. but somehow.. jus couldnt figure it out.. not exactly cant figure it out.. but somethings is always there.. takes time.. n will to let God take over.. tryin.. n still tryin

how long can i last, runing the race.. so afraid tt i will jus fall away n give up.. i dunno.. dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno....

Y..

Y did it have to happen again.. only myself to blame for tt. Looks up i still hav not given up on lotsa of stuff. Tough.. but nvr give up.. believe one fine day i will overcome it. God help me please.. i cant do anything with my own strength but thru You.. nothing is impossible. Teach me Lord to also look in yer direction, faithfully seekin yer Words, commandments, tt i will commited to You, Lord. Lord, i really hope to a become a person seeking Yer heart.. renew n restore me Lord. This i pray in Jesus most precious name, amen.

When we experience suffering,
God's comfort will abound;
For tribulations teach us where
True comfort can be found. —Sper
In every desert of calamity, God has an oasis of comfort.

Sadness

Is tis jus a feeling tt i created or it comes frm deep within.. lookin ahead is a new chapter of my life again.. soon the cross roads will be infront of me again.. Sad, wats causing it... miss my loved n cherished one in my life, or sad tt going there alone, facing the world all by myself, road to independence..

Realise tt will miss alot of pple over here.. esp couple of there.. (special place in my heart) Tears are now dried up.. Thinkin abt wat i plan to do.. over there.. will i be able to do it.. know tt with God all things are possible but more afraid tt i will fail God again.. sadness jus simply wash over me again n again..

Will try not to get involve in any relationship.. more like who will like me.. in the first place.. haha. Currently on stand down at the moment. Feelin the turmoil inside me.. painful, hurting, sourness. To treat a person whom u like as a brother or sis arent easy.. it simply hurts so much at times.. containing the feelings n still go on with life. Showing pple tt everything fine, great to a certain extent, the pain simply pierces thru.. no one knows. Will continue to strive to achieve wat i had say n planned with God strength.. yupz. Theres still hope as long as God is ard.. =)

Death,,,

Death.. first started thinking abt it when i was in pri sch.. One thing tt pple have to face one day. Reading on the book "Tuesday with Morries", but havnt finished readin it.. Even in the first few chapters, was like cant help but wonder wats my life abt now.. wheres my focus.. on God or on my personal. What have i really done with this life of mine..

What if tomolo is my last day on tis earth.. reminds me of a song by matt redman.. Its really very real.. cause i really dunno wat will happen to me tomolo.. Am i ready to face my Saviour, would i hear the words "Well Done" frm His mouth.. Admit it.. my life is chaos.. not in focus with God.. but instead i am running wild n self centred most of the time.. if i really were to go.. wat abt pple ard me, my parents, and those pple i cherish in my heart.. wat have i done for them..

There mus be something which i really need to do n change.. It need to start now.. a new chapter of my life.. a life tt is focus upon God.. seeking Him, chasing after His heart.. Tis is my desire, but i keep failing God.. wat can , wat should i do to keep my focus on Him.. Strayin away frm Him is so common.. i really dun want to waste my life away.. God help me..

Little good news plus some not so good stuff..

Yes... God works in many diff ways, during vaccuumin was kinda dwellin on the visa issue.. worryin abt being rejected.. n started planing backup plan in my mind.. later realise tt got a miss call.. private no. so visa thing shot into my mind again.. could it be the embassy side?? hmm.. so decided to check email.. tada.. guess wat. email frm aussie embassy sayin my visa is approve. i was like.. kinda shock. Previous moment was worryin n decided to commit it to God, regardless of the result.. i will still continue to trust Him.. then after a while got e confirmation of approval. Thank God.. now is start to plan for the coming departure.

Walk dunno how many metres today.. my both feet the toe bone part hurts n my left knee cap.. started to complain. Went to check prices of stuff, got a list of stuff which i need to buy or want to buy. Prayin hard tt my dad will allow me to buy a digital cam. plus some other electronic stuff. Definitely need winter clothing. Will cut down the amt spend as much as i could, save as much as i can. Hope the trip to malaysia will be a good one.. where can get most stuff cheaply over there. Misadverture no. 1, knowing well.. tt the old chang kee stuff mostly fried.. got some seafood.. n knowing tt they use the same oil to fried it.. i still jolly well buy the puffs to eat.. end up suffering myself.. reaction came. Feel very uncomfortable, tired, parts of the body swelling. Until to evening then it stopped..

Misadverture no 2. Greedy boy..eat a chip without realising its durian chips.. AHHHHHH i hate durians.. grr. wish i wasnt so greedy.. Well thk God its jus one piece not a lot..

Misadverute no. 3, the cheese cake. inside seems to contain almond or nuts kinda stuff.. ahhh.. got a reaction.. again.. swelling, more tiredness, itch.. Its so tough for me to find something i can really hav peace eatin without e fear of food contamination. troublesome, burdensome i am.. how can i tied someone to such a sick, weak person like myself.. haiz. gf, marriage is definitely very far frm me.. so jus the e 4 leafs story.. with e sadder ending.. Can only watch frm afar.. prayin, caring, loving the person in the back stage. Jus to see the person happy, tt good enouf i guess. i still feelin e effects of the contaminton reaction.. arrrhhh.

Relationships..

Tis is the super topic which i be matrixing for so a long time.. too bad my matrix skill arent as good as Reeves n e rest.. (ahh e show also kinda stupid, kinda regret watchin all 3 of them duhz) Past few days n wks hav been days of flashbacks... not tt i want to but somehow all the things started cominn back to bug me again.. Relationship one of the super big headaches in my life.. sometimes jus dun understand y pple will end up being infatuated, liking, even fallin in love with another one.. Wouldnt it be better when things remain as it is.. as in everyone brother sis.. kind.

Flashback reminds me of the pple i hav hurt in my life.. thinking back i didnt do anything to them n somehow it jus happen.. Somehow blame seems to be shifted onto them instead of me.. not sayin i am the problem but in tt sense i am involve.. The way i handle the issues.. practically hurt so much pple.. jus wish i could turn back time.. n apologise to them the way i hav treated them.. esp one person... really feelin very bad. How much tears have been shed, the pain, hurt n everything. Guess its thru.. guys in the sense are better dealin with emotionals as in push everything away n focus on other stuff. simple to say runnin away.

I never really understand how they feel until recently.. totally broken n torn apart for yw.. Its was the saddest n most miserable period so far.. wounds seems to be there still..She e first person i loved, shed tears for.. But somehow thk God... tt it turn out tis way, i learn alot of things.. Better handling of such situation, really letting go n giving the entire thing to God.., learnt to treasure pple ard more, cherishin them, being more sensitive to them..

though it took 2-3 yrs to calm down n move on.. at least i am glad we are still frens.. well so as everything seems gettin on.. the next tidal wave came.. a new lesson.. i know how it feels to be avoided.. i regreted doing all those things in the past.. now its time to make amends, towards pple ard me.. if there is a case of someone like me.. (which is impossible) i mus make things clear with them.. n not to avoid but continue to love, protect their hearts, be a blessing to me, not to cause them to stumble, not get into the way of them servin God faithfully... hurt will still be there.. never feel good to rejected.. =)

Started readin "I kiss goodbye to dating", it really helps alot.. refocusing myself back to God.. though its hard n painful process.. but its definitely worth it.. I hope i can stick to the values, standard which i hav set for myself.. n not stray away.. God is the one tt can help me achieve it.. but i myself mus take the steps in obeyin God first.. indeed. Its always easier to love someone when he/she is a brother or sister.. dunno how to explain it.. but its really true..

Tis gonna be a long, but come to a point of time in life.. sometimes i really wonder did i miss my chance already.. giving up so many "open doors".. but most of them i noe is deifnitely not.. till i recently got stuck.. seems yes n no at the same time.. so jus wait.. haha. Well.. now things seems more difficult.. somehow i feel tt i will remain single.... permanent sickness plays a part in tis. Dun want to tie anyone down to me.. when the fact is they can find better pple then me.. There are so many better choices.. y let tie them to me. Fact is why stick to a person who is always sick when u can be with a healthier person.. Relationship is one of the things i really fear.. partly becos tt i dun want to go thru e sad feelings, fear of rejection, maybe tts y i dun talk to ladies.. so cut down the risk of infatuation, liking n fallin in love.. with them.

Who will be the one for me.. i jus wonder... no confidence in myself isit.. Been able to accept myself.. n still living n not givin up life.. but in terms of relationship., i practically give up.. liaoz.. seems hopeless... like i mention above. GUess the best thing so far.. is when the pple whom i treasure n cherished are happy with a smile on the face, n tt i can be a blessing to them, n be there when required... guess tt good enouf.

Will continued to pray for them tt they will find partners who truely after God's heart, able to help one another grow in Christ, supporting n being there for one another, sharing the same vision.. Coming back to myself, really got nothing to say.... jus wait loh. Jus like look ahead.. cant even see a land.. floating ard in the sea.. In the end, everything is in God's control.. turn towards Him for guide.. n let Him hold my hand n travelled in tis long journey. With Him ard, wat more can i ask for.. Thk God..

Finally.

Wow.. cant believe today, found the book.. "Tuesday With Morries" grab n bought it after much consideration. First introduce to the book by Grace.. well buyin the book is not becos of her.. but its more like its a good book with her recommendation, so y not hav a go at it.. haha. Spirits seems better today.. Well.. feeling is still there.. depressed, down sure is =) but life arent tt bad..

Watch a movie today by myself, looking ard.. so many couple, n grps of pple watchin together then i am like.. err... alone. Doesnt matter.. all i wanted was some time alone.. walking ard.. listenin to music.. like i always am.. Lone Ranger i guess.. but in the end i still need someone i can turn to, God is there... but somehow i still need someone whom i can see n talk to.. feel kinda guilty sayin tis cos e fact is God is all i need in my life. Sorry God.. well thk God for tis blog site though.. where i throw all my sorrows n happiness out.. though pple may not know how i feel.. but at least they might be happier.. i guess not be burden by me..

Something really impt is buggin me tightly.. close to my heart.. wats God's vision and callingfor me. The thing keep appearing.. kinda scare, wat if its really towards tt direction, i really am scared partly becos i afraid i might not heed e calling.. But deep within i really want to know n start workin towards it but seems like i am really weak...God grant me strength n courage tt i will follow Yer callin.. Its high time tt i should get tune with God for eternal.. Maybe should hav a talk with pastor or john.. abt it..

Squeezing my mind dry...

Title tells it all... emptyin my mind of thoughts before they get stack again.. making me bloated aggain... headache coming back.. tis seems like insomia is coming back again.. watever..

Sometimes jus wonder.. am i puttin up a false face.. or is it simply i have numbed myself to such an extent.. my emotions are so hidden. Most pple think tt i am okay.. still e same. Sometimes jus wished i could be more expressive.. fun loving, cheerful, talkative.. Lookin ard me.. fun n laughter.. while i am a dead man standin ard, boring pple to crazy. Sometimes.. being sensitive can feel pple thoughts n feelings but how can i approach them.. does sticking to my stand of "if they willing to share then they will talk abt it" Sometimes do i ask.. but its seems kinda uncomfortable for them... Maybe it jus me.. the super cnmi..

GUess i need lotsa of wisdom in tis area of my life.. opening up to others. I dun know.. even how to do it.. People like me is consider the most dangerous person ard. No one knows wat i will do next.. i am also afraid of myself after wat i share to AL.. regardin my self perception. Prayin n hoping tt i will not go the tt side of me which seems so true... Most pple dun know who i am, neither do i.. Seems like i am numbing my own feelings n emotions.. but still tryin to remain sensitive to others.. Jus the word tt came into my mind "Things will never be the same again". Its so true in my life, how i wish things will be diff. at times..

Bit and pieces II

Hav a great talk with AL durin the camp... at least get to know her slightly better and tt facing problems as well. Looking back, realise in every persons' life.. there are hidden secrets.. whom bug us all the way.. regrets in life as simple as these.. fact is no one knows abt it but God knows abt it definitely. Simply feel with shame... dunno how am i to face God when judgement day comes.. where everything will be exposed.. knowing well abt tis y then do i continue with those ways, shouldnt i be changing myself..

Sitting with AL at the beach, still feeling super down, feel like cryin.. but she ard.. cant rite. Though its okay for guys to cry.. everyone needs a break at times.. somehow i didnt.. feel like pouring out sorrows to her.. but in the end i didnt. Prayed for her as well... but somehow i dunno wat i praying makes myself also super confused.. tt nite was a crappy nite for me i guess.. somehow i look kinda cheerful.. chattin with others, pokin fun.. but deep inside heart is torn apart by emotions. After e younger pple gone off to bed.. i drop off to the beach again.. tis time cried.. slightly. run out of tears already i guess.. Its always revolve ard e same things....


Torn apart, broken, alone...
Sitting in a dark, cold corner...
Hope lies with God...
Tis i already know...
But jus so hard to let go...
And give them all to Jesus...
Broken heart, shattered dreams...
Prayed and tried...
But its seems to no avail...
How long more then will i learn to let go...
Of these things and start pursuing things from God instead...

Bits n pieces

Jus as i was vacuuming.. mind seems to be bloated with lotsa of stuff. Jus feel like going to explode anytime.. Scenes frm the kaleo camp slowly came into my mind. Remember the part where i jus sat at the bench n cried my hearts out. Release of fear n emotionals... reason is uncleared. There seems so many things in my mind.. 2nd nitez, was alone at the beach.. walk along the breakwater stones.. to a certain extend quite dangerous.. almost slip couple of times.. thk God still alive.. =) Sat there.. look up into the sky.. saw the moon n the stars.. somehow tt reminds me of grace. haha.. stupid rite. Marvelous creation of God... place up there, its really awesome.. if there were lotsa of stars out there.. Jus couldnt help but wonder where is heaven n where is God living at the moment. hmmm....

Coming to the sad part again.. sitting there. Feelin very lost n jus wanted to be alone.. thought i am afraid of lonliness. Waves gently splash against the shores n stones.. across lies sentosa n mainland.. bright lights shining ard.. indeed a break frm the hectic life in mainland.. quietness, stillness, peace as well. Lookin at the sea.. the feelin of death seem so strong... jus like tt time in Port Dickson.. its the same kind of feeling. I dunno why i feel tis way.. but its jus there..

Another day.. life passes by again. What have i done.. nothing at all. Live seems kinda meaningless. Waiting for the visa results is kind of worryin.. wat if rejected.. any backup plans?? THen mus go find work liaoz.. Everything seems so near yet so far away. I feel scared.. even a guy will feel scare, tears will fall... Probably due to the fact tt i am more emotional then others ard me. like lotsa of things to prepare n dunno wat to get.. haiz..

No words to describe,
nearer, nearer, nearer it gets
Is it fear, joy, confusion, excitment
Simply bothers me
Everything jus seems to far
Everything ahead seems blurred

Treasure of Jesus...

It lies in wait at the door of the heart...
Waiting for the owner to accept...
Free, self sacrificing love of God...
Now, as i have accepted the treasure...
But its not the end yet...
Will i learn to treasure it...
Will i give up all things for it...
The journey is long...
Will i lose the treasure in time to come...
Or will i end up rejecting this priceless treasure...
Fear simply gripped me....
It frightens me alot...
For i do not wish to lose this treasure...
What should i do...
What can i do...
Answer has already been reveal...
Will i start to work on it...
I really do hope so...
In treasuring the Treasure of Jesus...

Still Depressed huh>>??

Living the motion again today... didnt i make up my mind to give up stuff for the Treasure. Somehow i failed badly, simply jus adds on to the current depressed mood of mind. Who can i turn to... i seriously dun noe.. Everyone n everybody seems so down.. broken hearted.. i neeed to press on.. nothing i can do but endure n push on.. feelin the cracking effect.. dunno when emotions will erupt out.. again. Need to trust in God.. more n be more obedient.

After tis camp.. i dunno. it seems to be i might hav done something i shouldnt hav done. Now is to really confirm the current situation.. hope everything is fine. haiz...

Depressed

Pain and anguish stored
Deep within the heart
No words can describe
Simply dont know wat to say, what to do

Emptiness fills the heart, lonliness creeps and knocks on the hearts door
Overwhelmed, tears start to fall, fear and sadness grips the heart
Everything seems to dull and gloominess clings on so tightly
No one to turn to it seems, everyday seems to fade away

Quietness and the night seems to drag
Wondering will the sun ever rise
Though know that God is around
But sometimes need something tangible

No answer to problems, everywhere is a dead end
Will this ever end, how long more can i take
Soon the emotions will come, eruption occurs
Sudden release of pent up emotions

So do i feel better after eruption
I really do not know

Partial Life

Day by day passes by...
Without realising time have alreadt breeze by...
Much of life have already flew passed...
Nothing much is achieved...

Being a christian, am i really a true christian...
Have i heed God's calling, obey His commandments...
How many time have i ever just push Him aside...
What kind of christian am i really...

Even in times of danger, problem, etc...
Do i turn to God i dun think so...
Am I holding the Saviour and dragging Him around...
Or is He holding my hand and guiding me in life...

How many times have i broken God's heart...
Will i ever learn my lesson, will i ever change...
When will i stop shutting God out of my life...
Will i still remain a christian in the next five to ten years...

Deep within i really want to change for the LORD...
But something is definitely blocking my path...
Sin, worldly desires, personal pride, selfishness, ego is a constant onslaught...
But need to press on, believe God will help me overcome the world definitely...

DrEAmZ

Started from young...
Continues to old times...
Brings hope, ambition, aim in life...
How many dreams are jus passing by...

Many dreams have been lost...
Very little dreams have be fullfilled...
Is it simply a waste of time...
Or does it add spice, hope to life...

Ever dream for the LORD...
What and how would it be like...
How would things end up to be like...
Will I ever fullfill the dream for my LORD...

Somehow, it frigthens me...
Would it turn out to be a covenant kind of thing...
Would i fail during on the way of tryin to ahcieve the dream...
Would i simply give up half way through...

Hmmm, what exactly is it like to dream for the LORD...
Would I want to give it a try...
It seems purposeful and life fullfilling...
Why not give it a try today...

end of camp....

Finally its over... busy for so long n ended in a while. Kaleo camp... indeed its fun n great.. sleepless nitez for almost everyday durin the camp.. Really thank God its successful.. n everything turn out fine.. Thk God for Robert.. really did a great job durin the camp. As usual.. durin camp some pple will be sad.. its seems... shouldnt dwell n write into it anymore.. Emotions are all there.. to be felt... n seem but just dont want to interfere in it. anymore. Maybe its a good thing.. personal space, if the person needs to talk.. well, if required step it..

Back to the details of camp.. GuyThrush.. the best team haha.. tts my grp suppose to be Long John Silver.. but nvr mind. in some way get to know more pple.. in the camp.. some gb girls.. haha.. while.. tis is my crappiest period i had.. disturbin pple ard in my team.. sendin out crows. Tis only happens once or twice every year.. Tis my so call last camp in tis year before setting off to anothere place.. where a new chapter of life begins.. yupz.. indeed. Good memories n bad memories frm tis camp.. its great i would say, haha

Serious moments....

NOw coming to the more serious part of the camp.. liaoz. Lotsa of things.. beyond words can describe.. Even on the first day gettin to there.. already so blue n sian liaoz.. really bothered n feeling very depressed... dunno wat is it all abt.. probably the same old things.. jus tt.

Sometimes jus dunno whether should i tell pple how i feel... sometimes its really overwhelming.. simply dunno who i can talk to.. pple hav their own problems.. haiz. End up sittin there on the bench.. at first was planing my 5 - 10 again but end up.. cryin dunno for how long... There a great fear inside my heart.... really fearful.. n its have to apprehen it.. esp whether will i go overseas will be confirm very soon.. its jus scares me... It hurts alot when reminded of my sickness.. how things will be.. n thought abt marriage.. its simply jus make things worst.. its simply jus tt.. cried for two nites in a row except for the last nite.. cannot cause alicia lim was with me at the beach.. also going thru a tough time.. kinda surprise tt she asked me to go to the beach with her.. well had a good talk with her.. listenin to her.

So far think no one knows wats happened to me.. at the nitez.. sometimes jus wish someone would be there with me.. e presence.. would make a diff. Wish things were alot diff. i findin it hard to control emotions at tis point of time.. its really painful.. Dunno jus feel the way.. maybe its wat i felt.. Nothing i can do but jus bear with it.. Well maybe its a good thing.. rather then e other way ard.. I am jus confused on wat to do n how to go abt doing it.. feelin crushed..

Matter of fact.. i feel very detached frm the pple ard me. Really feel out of place.. in kaleo. Everyone so close to one another, jus felt like i am intrudin in, breaking the peace. Feeling very lonely, stranger, like communication break down like tt... Maybe in the first place i shouldnt be inside.. If watever i feel its true.. i truely give blessing n prayer, wish the best for "thez" So much things inside my heart.. cant pour it out at all.. =( tears comin again soon.. haiz.


The pain, sadness all stash up
Bottled over all the years...
Cracks will appear, leaking starts...
Tears will fall n a broken heart...