It passing on... one chapter of life is almost finishing and another chapter will be starting soon. Sometimes, i wish i could turn back time and change a little things here and there to make things look a little nicer and a little better. But its always this little things tt cause tremors in life yet most of the times are left unnoticed. But it leaves a impression tt make me think again when the past flashes by. Things tt need to be rectified, restored...

Coming close to the grips of death and escaping it by a thread... now i kinda understand how time actually slows down.... and thoughts will start to swell in your head.. after the incident or during the process of it. Nvr really like staying in hospital, the place where u get to experience the pain and suffering pple gone through. But its the only time, where i am exposed to how God's grace and strength has brought me thru'. How many of the pple in there have already heard n accepted Christ. Lonliness and emptiness fills the heart of the pple... some been in there so long the hope they cherish seems to have disappeared.

The time there was spend reflecting and reading the bible.. tryin to understand wats the lesson behind everything tt happened. Coming back to the feet of Jesus, spending the precious time with Him. Crying out to Him and leaning, depending on Him. Reflection of how life has been wasted for things tt aren't impt. As i think and think abt the things that are happening. Its really learning to draw into God's presence in the midst of illness and everything. Finding rest in Him even when there seems to be no one is able to help and comfort. Journey of faith into the unknown ahead following where God wants. Coming again to taking risk for God and looking towards Him and following Him no matter what life circumstances are.

They said.. after experiencing near death, paradigm of a person changes and the person learnt to cherish life more. I agreed on tt.. but wat i want to achieve is more like cherishing the time tt i have now to serve and be used for God and putting my life out for Him. Taking new risks and moving out for God.

Php 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Things seems to be getting better.. the fighting within has gone down.. but not the physical fighing... I have been fighting with the toilet bowl for the past few hrs.. stupid diaherra, cough, flu.... driving me nuts... Esp the diaherra.. came back with a vengence after like 2 days.. ahhh....

Fighting with the strength of the Lord... Though sometimes i might fail or feel tired, i certainly will not give up fighting. Things are abit complicated at the moment.. believe tt the Lord will clear things up for me..

Watch the moves
Watch the mouth
Be cautious and not slack down...

I cant afford to .. or else..

Breaking point....

Today... is almost to breaking point. So much stuff pushing out of my brain... i feel like exploding.. and feeling very sick as well. Ever since it started.. the peak was at convention.. I simply feel like screaming my head off.. The assault was really non-stop n its simply so hard to handle.. Lord help me, i need your strength my Lord... i really need it.

Even today... i nearly broke down into tears.. well in the room. I am so lost, the storm within is hard to quench and been praying and praying.. but the pedal doesnt seems to ease off at all. Do i have to face this again.. especially during this period of time. Emotionally drained... so drained... Lord, i need your strength, wisdom and revelation...

3 weeks.. in a row.. on pa, sunday can never be more tiring. Was so happy that can finally sleep till later.. six am.. ring ring ring.. i was huh.. i didnt set my alarm using tt phone leh.. i call back the miss call.. ta da!! congrats.. we are on for PA.. still drowsy frm my sleep.. quickly wash up and get ready. Frm tt time.. its a really tiring.. time onwards. totally knocked out during sermon.. and headache setting in.. feeling really sick.. and tired..


As the time proceeds on.. till the end of service.. was feeling drained.. thoughts starting flowing in.. it seems like the season is pretty long.. for a lot of pple. The question pop into my mind again.. was like.. nah.. not again.. no no no...but still thk God manage to get a short nap before shedding wool... seriously.. i really dunno wat to think and feel at this times..

Much much later at southbank.. see this beautiful rainbow.. was like wow.. its a full rainbow.. took some pics of it.. later as i move in further.. wah -ha.. see another rainbow above tt rainbow... its like wow.. reminded abt God's covenant.. with His pple. its a beautiful sight.. My mind was flooded with thoughts again.. n after seeing the double rainbow.. everything vanished. Meet up with Vun, Hoong, Ming, Allister for dinner at westend.. its was a great dinner.. after finishing sat ard and chatted.. but somehow the topic shifted onto me again.. the last thing.. i expected was to hear Hoong ask the question.. i was like.. oh no.. not again.. The headache started coming back again...Thk God the topic shifted off.. phewz.... yeah

After a while later, we head off for a movie.. while vun headed home. When at southbank... i told Hoong.. tt i saw a double rainbow.. He was wow.. and say "Haha, a double confirmation>> so wat were u praying for me??" -_-'''''... literally lost for words.. and started recalling did i pray and ask God for anything before seeing the rainbows?? Yeah i did.. no need to write it out.. its confusing.. one more.. thing.. tt one.. no need to write out as well... Keep prayin and seeking.. cant make any mistakes.. no room at all..