Ages and ages.. my blog full of cobwebs and dust. It really a long time since i came in.. Too busy with stuff as well. Life is always interesting.. i am really glad each day is a happy and great day for me.. life has never been so joyful even in the midst of all the exams and worries and stuff. God has really changed so much of me to the point i can ever imagine.

Somethings still tug on and stick on like super glue it seems. Feelings and emotions.. as least i am glad i am not overwhelmed by it anymore. As i know the reasons and ways of dealing with it. I still have the habit of able to covered and hide emotions till the extent that i dun feel it. Until recently talking to some of my really close friends cause it to resurface again. Its like coming back to the point again. Relationship.. is it time or is it not. Am i going to remain single all my life or i will be married haha.. its really funny to think abt it. Looking ard in church and friends all abt, i think abt it.. yes what kind of feeling do i have towards them? Its the same answer, i treat them as my brothers and sisters nothing more nothing less.

Kinda went thru' every single feeling that i have towards the ladies.. so far i came to realise.. except for two persons.. the feelings are different. One has always been the first girl whom i really love. I would say i love her still both as a friend and sister. Its like going abt in circles and in the end, the feeling towards her seems to be staying on.. and refuse to go away. So the question is am i the one for her?? (Imagine myself loooking at God for an answer?)

Other is another girl whom came into my life before i came over to aussie. Yeah.. this is not as strong as the other one. But everything seems very smooth and great.. Still treating her as my younger sister and friend. I wouldnt really want to think so much upon it.

Its really hard to comprehen at times.. lost also.. Big things are really happening now.. and there is alot of people ard that will cause me to go head over heels.. actually its coming soon, the nagging feelings.. God please capture these feelings of mine and take them away. Its just isnt the right timing at all. I still have yrs ahead before i can even think abt moving into this area.

War is starting soon.. but where my rifle and ammo and defences??? Wake UP!!

Compassion....

Its like till today, i finally realise that compassion is not only towards non-believers. In fact its also for our brothers and sisters. Through the eyes of compassion of Jesus, we see the needs of our fellow mates and to really reach out for them.

Christian sometimes do face different situations and problems.. in life. It can be overbearing and burdensome at times. Compassion is something tt really helps and bring hope and light into their hearts as well as ours. I do lack of alot of compassion towards people.. is it because i have numb myself for too long?

In the darkmess, You sought and seek me
Out of the darkness, You bring me into the Light
The marvelous light that shone on my paths
The pathways of righteousness and holiness

Into Your Presence i come, trembling
So holy and so awesome
But gently You smile and hold me close
Saying this wonderful words, "I love you my child"

Emmanuel

Hmm.. Emmanuel it means "God with us". Ever really thought of how close actually God is with us. Somehow, i never really thought about it before. Jus have this impression is that this only applies in the time of Jesus ministry. Where Jesus is actually physically with them. Yeah it simply shows tt God is with them, so it fullfilled the prophecy. I never really given it a 2ns=d thought abt it at all.

One fine day as i was reading the bible.. i read on the comments suddenly it mentions.. "God with us" still applies today, even so closer then before. Fact is the Holy Spirit who is God lives in our heart today. Arent it really exhilarating to know that. God is dwelling in within us. He is so close to us. Its really encouraging indeed

2006.. a new yr has already rolled in. so much changes has occur.. this yr will be an eventful yr for me. Ministry and care grp changes have occurred. Now being send out to new battle grd. It gonna be a real great year ahead. Need to continue to trust in God and follow His plan. yupz.

THere again.. so much things on my mind.. to think abt. Need to settle down quickly n get the ball rolling. yupz. been away for almost a yr already.. starting to wonder how pple are back in sg. I also dunno whether will i be staying put here or going back? so many things tt need to seek God for.. Somehow got a idea of it, hmm. hav to wait patiently.

It indeed seems like a long time i wrote in blog again.. hmmm. interestingly time flies past so fast. Its already 2006. i didnt go for count down. instead i slept at eleven pm.. haha. exactly at 12am i was woken up by the fire works at southbank. I never see so much fire works in my life before.. brisbane should also be call a firework city haha. force myself back to sleep. the next moment when i was abt to fall asleep... my phone sounded. was awoken.. check the phone. receive a sms frm my parents.. and one of my church mates.

So far it seems like my parents are more tolerant towards me being a christian than before. It seems like God is working in their life as well. using my life as a testimony for my parents to hear as well. Glad that they are more open now believe that one day the altar in my hse will disappear n my whole family will be worshipping the One and Only True God!!

couple of stuff happened.. since i started work. Kinda like burn myself out due to work. haha. now suffering frm swollen hands and aching body. It a good job i must agreed. God really bless me with a great supervisor and working environment. yippee good pay as well. Though its tiring but its worth the while. Recently was doing linishing of screws.. cutting n polishing screws on the equipment. The freak accident happened, it was so painful. Linishing halfway as usual sparks fly n small pieces of burning metal fly ard. My face was kinda like being hit by them. The next thing tt could happened. is one of the small pieces.. fly into my eye. I was wearing goggles at the moment.. i could practically feel the metal burning in my eye ball n it was like a hot metal cooling in the water. It hurt so much. I went to the toilet tryin to remove it. somehow.. it didnt work.. i could barely open my eye. in the end.. keep washing till i feel better.. thought tt everything was fine. there wasnt any pain. continue working. The pain only came when i make my way home. I was sweating profusely. sweat went into my eye.. its so painful i couldnt open my it was then i realise tt my eyeball is definitely injure but jus couldnt see where it was.

On thursday, one nite after the incident. the eye was still feeling uncomfortable.. so i decided to pray in faith. I asked God to heal my injure eye. Specifically pray tt n believe tt my eye will be heal rite on the spot. Indeed i was heal.. the discomfort went away.. i was like.. wow.. i was healed by God. Praise God. Its my first kind of healing prayer.. it was answered.. God is indeed marvelous... yeah

The peace and love of God
One that surpasses all things
One that transcends all understanding
And peace like a river flow,
that calms and restores the heart and soul
And love like rays piercing through the clouds,
bring hope and light into lifes

As sadness breaks forth like waves upon the shore
Tears of pain and sadness flows like streams of river
So lost and confuse one could be
At the departure of a close one
Having left with just memories, a mark in our life

I seems to gotten myself into a mess which hard to handle.. or it isnt so complicated at all. Lord, i really need you in this... only You can help us now. Lord may everything go smoothly and settle down and in peace, O Lord

Sometimes i jus wish i could jus simply say this, " I MISS YOU!!!" Jus three simple words.. or even jus type it out .. it seems like the fingers all go numb n cant do it at all. Wats wrong wats wrong.. i think i am getting crappier then usual aye.. its the time of the day.. sleep sleep sleep.. exams are on FRIDAY... i AM really GOIng BONKers!!! haiz.... haha.. jus a short vent of tiredness and frustrations.. still hanging in there with God sustaining. heez.. sleep.. zzzzz.. (snorezzz)

tough times...

Really tough times... sometimes its always good to remind myself. if i dont want rainy days in my life.. dun PRAY for THEM.. =P

Well.. i really drained out and tired.. finally i have decided to turn back to the One.. thru this period i truely see how helpless i am as a human. Without Him in my life.. its totally chaos....

How long are u going to run away
My Child, how long are u going to run away
Many times I have called out to you
Many times, u have broken My heart
Many times, u have grieve me
Of this many times I have always forgiven you
So how long are you going to run away

See how weary you are
See how tired you are
Come into my embrace, I will hold you close
I will give you rest
I will strengthen you and carry you
My child, its time for u to come home
It really time...

Reflections

this few days seems like being scolded and chastised by God. Communion, i was kinda like asked this question wat does it mean exactly. Every christian should know the answer to it. There comes the 2nd questions, wat is communion to you? At this moment i was kinda stunned. I never really thought about it much. The worst thing is sometimes i treat communion as a routine or sometimes food and drink. I was like feeling so guilty. It never came across my mind, wat is communion to me personally. I really ashamed of my approach towards it.

It dawn on me tt communion is abt remembering wat Jesus Christ did on the cross for us. His body was beatened, pierced and blood shed for our sins. I knew this since i become a christian, but the thing is i never appreciated the true meaning of it. It was for me, for my sins that Christ was hunged on the cross. WAKE UP! WAKE UP!! It doesnt jus happen once a wk or month, during church communion but it is a daily affair. To remember wat Christ has done for us, in return to glorify Him with our bodies, everything. Treasuring the free gift of God and living a life obedient to God.

Today during worship, i couldnt help but jus cried and cried. At the moment i knew something was not right. I got another chastising from God again. "What has happened to you, why have u chose to forsaken Me and walk away and depend on your own strength? Guilt and pain feel my heart....

Blessing from God still continues.. Praise God

Its really tough maintaining a life focus on God.. have tried and still failed.. but still tryin yeah. God has continue to shower me with blessing and protection all this while. Jus recently have been blessed with a job interview been praying abt it as well. Praise God i have gone on to the final round of job interview. The fact tt it is my first attempt.. really praise God for it.

Again been studying late, thus didnt really sleep then i still manage to pass my online test praise God for tt. God has really been faithful to me. So mus continue to be faithful Him also.. amen! Jus today, finally experience something which i thought will happen in movie only. Was cycling.. kinda fast as well. Suddenly, the car infront of me opened the door. It happened so fast tt i cant even swerve off in time, bang. i knock into the door, somehow a miracle happened at least to me. i didnt do the 360 flip neither did i fall onto the road. The bike swerve upon impact. I kinda like glide across the handle bars and end up standing on the road.. with my bike behind me. I was also kinda shock.. really thk God i didnt land onto the road.. think there was a oncoming car.

All i suffered was a bruised and sprained pinkie (probably cant play guitar for a period of time) and kinda whack my lower part of my leg against the bike and twisted it. (not virtually twisting it). well at least i can still walk but with a limp.. and cant really twist my ankle. Well. i really thk God i didnt do a 360 flip or crash directly in to the door in which both will end up with serious consequences. Thank my Dear Father in heaven praise you. Amen.

Weeding has proceeded

Sometimes.. human really have to learn the hard way. No matter whether we know theres a better way. still we stubbornly chose the hard way. Yes.. a prayer to God.. to clean up my life. Really set my heart upon doing it. Its indeed amazing and wonderful how God works.

Started a off with a thirty day fast (one or two meals per day), doing my Q.T, continuing praying as and when prompted. Really trusting my life in God's hands and seeking Him first. I am really blessed by God indeed.

FIrst thing is i am looking for a job. Send out couple of resume. Need to find a job to clear atachment requirements. Yeah. Kinda like given up hope of getting a reply. But nonetheless, still prayed. THe next thing i realise is i got a call frm the company asking me to go for a interview.. whoa i was like it really happening. Went for the interview, it didnt really go well as it seems. I really pray and pray before the interview, leavin it to God. God really soften the heart of the interviewer, though it didnt went well. but somehow the interviewer mentioned tt he didnt have any reason not to give me a chance for the final round of interview. I was kinda sceptical abt it. Well, somehow i felt peaceful and happy even after a kinda bad interview. On the way to sch tts where i saw a picture which i mention in my one of the blogs. It really reassured me. Wait for news on friday. The next thing in mind was project. It wouldnt work and it was giving us so much problems.. ahhh.

Spend so much time for it. Till we kinda give up, presentation was on the next day. I have also been praying really hard for the project. I make up my mind to leave out time to go for care grp instead of staying behind to do project. But still kinda burdened. yeah on the day of presentation.. everyone was like sweating.. man.. this gonna be tough..how to smoke the supervisor. It isnt really working at all.. ahh suppose to be able to communicate two way. but one die.. so its only one way. Decided to commit it to God and worst still the slides was done the day before. n we didnt rehearsed or anything. Alot of things was so last min. Finally we went thru the oral presentation. it was still quite okay.. abit of fumbling abt. The demonstration came. Oh my.. all of us were like please please please. Everything went well.. until our supervisor want us to send a big file... we were like oh no.. tt it the end. gone. Thank God, the supervisor ask to send a ascii text file instead which we tried and it work.. whoa!! The next thing is really the smoke bomb part. Another student frm another project team shoot a question checking with us if it is two way communication.. Then we started throwing smoke bombs.. tryin to smoke n screen all of them with answers and at the same time change the topic to another one.

Well, it worked haha. I like to imagine this way. My team members n i throw smoke bombs, and Jesus is there fanning the smoke and it spread real quickly.. heez. Thk God. The supervisor didnt check the other board and he was really please with what we done. Given only half the time to do a project and "achieve" wat he wanted. Yippee praise God.

Next and last thing... whoa this is the best. On friday, i was like waiting for the call. I was also fighting a spiritual battle... as well. I was abt to give up the battle, then i remember tt God is the general of the battle, i am not fighting the battle alone but God is fighting for and with me. I pray n pray and it was over. Then i was kinda like sad cos the phone didnt ring. i was jus abt to give up on the thought the phone will, so i said a prayer to God. If its Yer will tt i can get thru' to the final round of interview, let it be. If i didnt, i will still thk You for it was a really good experience for me. I startd preparing to go to sch.. the next thing, my phone ring.. i was like in a shock.. could it be could it be. so i answered the phone. It was the company agent tt called, she mentioned i have made it to the final round of interview.. whoaa!!! Praise God. After ending the call. i couldnt help but cried.. its was tears of joy and gratitude towards my loving Father. Indeed i am so blessed by Him. I really thk God for a lesson i attended lead by Charis. It kinda woke me up.. n make me determine to change. I remember a verse she mentioned.

Mat 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

THis is one of the many promise tt God has given us. Thank You Lord!!

The tree, the leaf and the wind...

Got to read to story again as i was doing hse keeping on my mail box. It reminded me of some stuff, relationships and interpersonal stuff.

"Leaf departure is because of Wind's pursuit or is it because Tree didnt ask her to stay."

Yupz.. it really makes me think.. abt relationship.. i would say. About having feelings for somebody but didnt let the person know abt it. Also taking pple ard for granted. In the process of it, hurting them. The story dun exactly speaks of wat really happened but to a certain extent it really makes me reflect upon my approach towards frens ard me.

The thing is patience... like Mellayana has said, patience in waiting for the Lord's timing. Big sis also mentioned to me, maybe its time i should pray abt it and wait for the Lord's answer. I never really think praying abt it so far. Still i have feelings for her. Well, jus kinda lost at wat to do, still treating her as my sister which is the best thing so far. yeah in case i get myself into more trouble then ever. I wish i had the chance to meet up with her before i flied off but it didnt happened becos of a major incident. Well, I need to be patient. Maybe its really time for me to start praying abt the issue?? hmmm..

Prayer meeting on tues...

Its was a bad day for me i suppose.. havin to eat stained food and end up sick. Well.. becos i wasnt feeling too well, i manage to get permission to leave earlier then usual. Thought of going home but didnt instead i went for the prayer meeting instead.

Yeah.. went there with a heavy heart.. personally know wats wrong.. my spiritual life is currently parched.. somehow the river is clogged with dirt and stuff. Its so hardened. During the response to the prayer.. i suddenly felt a noose went ard my neck, it really suffocated me so badly.. i was struggling to break free of the noose. I was like being strangled.. i really wanted to scream.. and run out of the hall. i try to open my eyes but jus couldnt, the noose was getting tighter every second. i really feel like dying. Started praying to God for release.. but the feeling got worst.. i felt like fainting and falling to the grd. Couldnt breath.. couldnt move ard.. terrible feeling. i jus felt my head being detached off my body. i couldnt feel anything at all.

I jus simply feel so terrible... but simply continue praying and singing the worship song... it was a tiring spiritual battle.. at the moment i really wanted to give up and run away.. but something keep me praying on, trusting in the Lord. For He is the General in the battle field. It wasn't me fighting this war but the Lord of the hosts. Continued praying.. n praying. at last i could feel my body and the noose ard my neck was broken off. It was at the time i felt peacefulness in my heart, joy. It made me realise i am still weak and in need of the Lord in my life. Its time to weed out the garden and prune it, make it flourish again.

Socrhing.. woo... ahh...

Yeah.. sat was the Renewalk.. finally its over.. a ten 10km walk... under the sun. I really wonder isit really spring?! It was a scorching 36-37 degrees.. i think. thk God it didnt hit the max.. haha.. good thing i was cycling.. instead of walking.. CYling.. shouldnt i be walking muahah.. being front scout.. for walkers.. haha. i thought it will be easier n fun.. to do tt. yeah.. realise its more tiring then walking.. Misleaded three times... twice by marshalls n once becos there is not direction signs.. ahh.. had to cycle back n fro to check roads for signs. Well.. cant really blames the scouts for misleading pple.. only got to know abt the post on tt day itself.. n with no map given.. haiz.. a lot of walkers are really angry with us.. haiz. had a hard time explaining.. watever. It over.. i now like super chao ta.. sunburnt.. wahh.. guess this should be my darkest tan ever.. haiz.. it will not last for long.. cause its startin to peel sadz.. well.. now is spring n summer so still lotsa of chance to tan stil haha.. still feeling tired..

Good thing is there was cast party in the nite time.. for the anniversary dancers.. wow.. its was great.. haha. ate quite alot of food. n maybe half a tub of ice-cream..(not the big tub) its like i am havin revenge on the ice-cream..well. it jus makes me feel good after a scorchin day n nite time.. havin ice-cream to cool down yippeee!! Looking forward to the christmas dance.. tranining starting soon.. yeah yeah!!

Anger and frustrations

Sometimes it really really irritating, sickening. Jus felt like smashin up the computers in qut.. thks to them i have to redo my program again n again. till i am so sick of it. Cant it be more stable aye.... friday my blood really boiled. and i was really disturb the computer for a long time.. now thinkin of it still make me feel down. so much time wasted.. To laugh or to cry

well...

THis week is suppose to a break but end up.. hav to go to sch everyday to do assignment.. ahhh. project n assignment n preparation for EXAMS!!! Wow.. seems so packed n hectic. it is ahhhhh.. Well the most comforting thing is i still can turn to God for help. He is the only one tt can help me through n turn the situation ard.. hey time for a change.. aye.. yeah.