7 more days to go.... it will be finished. Whats the plan?? kinda tough, i am so lost.. so so lost.. i really dunno how to sort things out and i have to.. aye. Before I go, need to sort out. hmm

Never once was.
Never started
Never has an ending
Probably never will...

Things arent really in control.. lost and struggling.. hmmm

Seasons in life....

Seasons in life.. sometimes, its such season that one is really brought to his knees and desperation.. where rest so to be in denial and troubles just piled up and up. I asked this question... what is the preparation and where and how does it link up. It seems like something big is happening and theres a need for prep. But no matter how it seems it jus doesnt really linked up. The amt of pain, physical, emotional, spiritual all direction jus came crashing down. The fear was knowing that its a testing and having to gone thru' a state of decay and seeing body jus getting worse plus all the areas. Fear gripped me.. its a testing, but i cant seem to be able to go through this myself, i dunno how to share and who to share with.. feeling lost and confused. Am i going to end up cursing God and fail Him in this testing? As a matter of fact, God knows the outcome, that i can be sure that He will be victorious and His name be glorified. But the fear is there, what if i make the choice and i failed the test. Sometimes it seems better off not knowing that its a test.. maybe not.

Hav a long chat with Doz.. the things shared simply reflected the state.. i have been through this. It like the second time... having to come to the point of rest in God, the point of grace.. resting in His strength and peace when all things fail.. where physical sleep is been denied, where eveyr ounce of the body is screaming, where reasons fail and cannot be understand. The act of learning to come to the point of grace... crying out to God and really letting go of the defences and to be totally broken down. Thats when grace of God comes in right at the very moment before u crash fully and lifted by His grace.

Alot of times, i fight alot and i keep fighting and fighting.. all this while with my physical strength. everytime, i need the grace and strength of God to fight and thats only happens when i am willing to give up my strength and realise the its God's grace and strength tt i need each day. It the act of coming into His rest and sanctuary where peace and joy still fills the soul and heart when reasons and everything fail. s

Sink it it....

Jus today have a chat with ah mingz and ah hoongz.. its been really like ages.. since we sit down and chat. Even though its only a short while.. the feeling is great. Still remember going out with them in West End sitting down chatting and enjoying slurpy.. That was when i first came over haha...

Sinking in it.. share with them abt what happened.. to me during this period of time.. Words are hard to articulate whatever that has happened. It can only be felt and seen by the person's own eyes and body. I was once again brought to reason for going thru trials and refinement. Sometimes is we asked God for it and other times it just slam straight in the face. I am going to sink the reason into my heart and hold on to it always. It started on tt nite, i was thinking abt life in the bathroom.. I was brought to the story of the precious pearl and the merchant searching for it and give up everything just for the pearl itself.

Figurativelty, Jesus is the pearl and i am the merchant. The day i accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour is the day that i bought the pearl. Everything was sold and in exchange for the pearl. Nothing belongs to me becos i have sold them all to have Jesus in my life. Everything that i have including my body belongs to God. Its like God is lending it to me for period of time. I should all the more take care of myself and change my life style to keep healthy and strong for God's work and stuff. I decide to change my life style.

Next, i saw a image of a game which i am playing and was creating soldiers frm the barracks for war. Every soldier that came out frm the barracks shouted "My life for Lordaeron!". At this moment, the question pop into my mind, "Who does yer life belong to?" Being a christian, we are also soldiers for Christ fighting against the enemies. A soldier is loyal to his king and even to the point of death. I just simply start saying "My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!" Yes, this was the starting point of the testing. The night onwards, things jus simply become worst. I was really push to the point of going back on what i said. It was truely painful and long season to go through, but God grace and strength has brought me through. I will still say this words, " My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!"

Praise and Glory only to God!

Point of Grace

Each day, passes by and come to a point of time whereby everything jus fails and no reason could explain whats happening in life. What is ahead is as dark as the night fall and everything jus seems to disappear. Tears jus couldnt stop falling and cried simply seems unheard at all. Taking away the resistance, taking away the barrier, taking away everything the surrounds the person.

What left is jus himself and emotions, life laid bared for all to see. The point of breaking down and being push to the edge where death is the only release. Its only at this drastic point, the point of grace.. The grace of God seems so strong and overpowering, simply whispering this words, "My child, i am watching over you. Come to me, you will find yer rest in Me." Jus like a father, holding his child in his arms, the child just cried and cried. The grace that sustains and comes at the right moment, no wonder its call the sweet grace of God. In midst of everything being torn away and the grace of God is simply so sweet and comforting amidst the bitterness and pain that floods a person soul.

Each day of living through the life, is only by the grace of God, in this time of pain and testing, i really felt God's presence and His power. The words of His simply comforts me and my soul could find the rest and peace in Him alone.

Sweet Grace of God

In midst of pain,
In midst of sorrows,
Where hope seems to fade each day,
Where life seems overwhelming,

At the breaking point,
Tears fall uncessingly,
Pain and sorrows floods the soul,
Amazing grace of God appears

In the stillness, hope abounds,
Grace that calms the raging seas,
Grace that calms the storms,
Grace lifted up the afflicted, hurt

How sweet, the sound of grace
That calms the soul, the pain and the hurt
Peace and joy fills the heart to overflowing
For indeed His grace is sufficient for me

Ages and ages.. my blog full of cobwebs and dust. It really a long time since i came in.. Too busy with stuff as well. Life is always interesting.. i am really glad each day is a happy and great day for me.. life has never been so joyful even in the midst of all the exams and worries and stuff. God has really changed so much of me to the point i can ever imagine.

Somethings still tug on and stick on like super glue it seems. Feelings and emotions.. as least i am glad i am not overwhelmed by it anymore. As i know the reasons and ways of dealing with it. I still have the habit of able to covered and hide emotions till the extent that i dun feel it. Until recently talking to some of my really close friends cause it to resurface again. Its like coming back to the point again. Relationship.. is it time or is it not. Am i going to remain single all my life or i will be married haha.. its really funny to think abt it. Looking ard in church and friends all abt, i think abt it.. yes what kind of feeling do i have towards them? Its the same answer, i treat them as my brothers and sisters nothing more nothing less.

Kinda went thru' every single feeling that i have towards the ladies.. so far i came to realise.. except for two persons.. the feelings are different. One has always been the first girl whom i really love. I would say i love her still both as a friend and sister. Its like going abt in circles and in the end, the feeling towards her seems to be staying on.. and refuse to go away. So the question is am i the one for her?? (Imagine myself loooking at God for an answer?)

Other is another girl whom came into my life before i came over to aussie. Yeah.. this is not as strong as the other one. But everything seems very smooth and great.. Still treating her as my younger sister and friend. I wouldnt really want to think so much upon it.

Its really hard to comprehen at times.. lost also.. Big things are really happening now.. and there is alot of people ard that will cause me to go head over heels.. actually its coming soon, the nagging feelings.. God please capture these feelings of mine and take them away. Its just isnt the right timing at all. I still have yrs ahead before i can even think abt moving into this area.

War is starting soon.. but where my rifle and ammo and defences??? Wake UP!!

Compassion....

Its like till today, i finally realise that compassion is not only towards non-believers. In fact its also for our brothers and sisters. Through the eyes of compassion of Jesus, we see the needs of our fellow mates and to really reach out for them.

Christian sometimes do face different situations and problems.. in life. It can be overbearing and burdensome at times. Compassion is something tt really helps and bring hope and light into their hearts as well as ours. I do lack of alot of compassion towards people.. is it because i have numb myself for too long?

In the darkmess, You sought and seek me
Out of the darkness, You bring me into the Light
The marvelous light that shone on my paths
The pathways of righteousness and holiness

Into Your Presence i come, trembling
So holy and so awesome
But gently You smile and hold me close
Saying this wonderful words, "I love you my child"

Emmanuel

Hmm.. Emmanuel it means "God with us". Ever really thought of how close actually God is with us. Somehow, i never really thought about it before. Jus have this impression is that this only applies in the time of Jesus ministry. Where Jesus is actually physically with them. Yeah it simply shows tt God is with them, so it fullfilled the prophecy. I never really given it a 2ns=d thought abt it at all.

One fine day as i was reading the bible.. i read on the comments suddenly it mentions.. "God with us" still applies today, even so closer then before. Fact is the Holy Spirit who is God lives in our heart today. Arent it really exhilarating to know that. God is dwelling in within us. He is so close to us. Its really encouraging indeed

2006.. a new yr has already rolled in. so much changes has occur.. this yr will be an eventful yr for me. Ministry and care grp changes have occurred. Now being send out to new battle grd. It gonna be a real great year ahead. Need to continue to trust in God and follow His plan. yupz.

THere again.. so much things on my mind.. to think abt. Need to settle down quickly n get the ball rolling. yupz. been away for almost a yr already.. starting to wonder how pple are back in sg. I also dunno whether will i be staying put here or going back? so many things tt need to seek God for.. Somehow got a idea of it, hmm. hav to wait patiently.

It indeed seems like a long time i wrote in blog again.. hmmm. interestingly time flies past so fast. Its already 2006. i didnt go for count down. instead i slept at eleven pm.. haha. exactly at 12am i was woken up by the fire works at southbank. I never see so much fire works in my life before.. brisbane should also be call a firework city haha. force myself back to sleep. the next moment when i was abt to fall asleep... my phone sounded. was awoken.. check the phone. receive a sms frm my parents.. and one of my church mates.

So far it seems like my parents are more tolerant towards me being a christian than before. It seems like God is working in their life as well. using my life as a testimony for my parents to hear as well. Glad that they are more open now believe that one day the altar in my hse will disappear n my whole family will be worshipping the One and Only True God!!

couple of stuff happened.. since i started work. Kinda like burn myself out due to work. haha. now suffering frm swollen hands and aching body. It a good job i must agreed. God really bless me with a great supervisor and working environment. yippee good pay as well. Though its tiring but its worth the while. Recently was doing linishing of screws.. cutting n polishing screws on the equipment. The freak accident happened, it was so painful. Linishing halfway as usual sparks fly n small pieces of burning metal fly ard. My face was kinda like being hit by them. The next thing tt could happened. is one of the small pieces.. fly into my eye. I was wearing goggles at the moment.. i could practically feel the metal burning in my eye ball n it was like a hot metal cooling in the water. It hurt so much. I went to the toilet tryin to remove it. somehow.. it didnt work.. i could barely open my eye. in the end.. keep washing till i feel better.. thought tt everything was fine. there wasnt any pain. continue working. The pain only came when i make my way home. I was sweating profusely. sweat went into my eye.. its so painful i couldnt open my it was then i realise tt my eyeball is definitely injure but jus couldnt see where it was.

On thursday, one nite after the incident. the eye was still feeling uncomfortable.. so i decided to pray in faith. I asked God to heal my injure eye. Specifically pray tt n believe tt my eye will be heal rite on the spot. Indeed i was heal.. the discomfort went away.. i was like.. wow.. i was healed by God. Praise God. Its my first kind of healing prayer.. it was answered.. God is indeed marvelous... yeah

The peace and love of God
One that surpasses all things
One that transcends all understanding
And peace like a river flow,
that calms and restores the heart and soul
And love like rays piercing through the clouds,
bring hope and light into lifes

As sadness breaks forth like waves upon the shore
Tears of pain and sadness flows like streams of river
So lost and confuse one could be
At the departure of a close one
Having left with just memories, a mark in our life

I seems to gotten myself into a mess which hard to handle.. or it isnt so complicated at all. Lord, i really need you in this... only You can help us now. Lord may everything go smoothly and settle down and in peace, O Lord

Sometimes i jus wish i could jus simply say this, " I MISS YOU!!!" Jus three simple words.. or even jus type it out .. it seems like the fingers all go numb n cant do it at all. Wats wrong wats wrong.. i think i am getting crappier then usual aye.. its the time of the day.. sleep sleep sleep.. exams are on FRIDAY... i AM really GOIng BONKers!!! haiz.... haha.. jus a short vent of tiredness and frustrations.. still hanging in there with God sustaining. heez.. sleep.. zzzzz.. (snorezzz)

tough times...

Really tough times... sometimes its always good to remind myself. if i dont want rainy days in my life.. dun PRAY for THEM.. =P

Well.. i really drained out and tired.. finally i have decided to turn back to the One.. thru this period i truely see how helpless i am as a human. Without Him in my life.. its totally chaos....

How long are u going to run away
My Child, how long are u going to run away
Many times I have called out to you
Many times, u have broken My heart
Many times, u have grieve me
Of this many times I have always forgiven you
So how long are you going to run away

See how weary you are
See how tired you are
Come into my embrace, I will hold you close
I will give you rest
I will strengthen you and carry you
My child, its time for u to come home
It really time...

Reflections

this few days seems like being scolded and chastised by God. Communion, i was kinda like asked this question wat does it mean exactly. Every christian should know the answer to it. There comes the 2nd questions, wat is communion to you? At this moment i was kinda stunned. I never really thought about it much. The worst thing is sometimes i treat communion as a routine or sometimes food and drink. I was like feeling so guilty. It never came across my mind, wat is communion to me personally. I really ashamed of my approach towards it.

It dawn on me tt communion is abt remembering wat Jesus Christ did on the cross for us. His body was beatened, pierced and blood shed for our sins. I knew this since i become a christian, but the thing is i never appreciated the true meaning of it. It was for me, for my sins that Christ was hunged on the cross. WAKE UP! WAKE UP!! It doesnt jus happen once a wk or month, during church communion but it is a daily affair. To remember wat Christ has done for us, in return to glorify Him with our bodies, everything. Treasuring the free gift of God and living a life obedient to God.

Today during worship, i couldnt help but jus cried and cried. At the moment i knew something was not right. I got another chastising from God again. "What has happened to you, why have u chose to forsaken Me and walk away and depend on your own strength? Guilt and pain feel my heart....

Blessing from God still continues.. Praise God

Its really tough maintaining a life focus on God.. have tried and still failed.. but still tryin yeah. God has continue to shower me with blessing and protection all this while. Jus recently have been blessed with a job interview been praying abt it as well. Praise God i have gone on to the final round of job interview. The fact tt it is my first attempt.. really praise God for it.

Again been studying late, thus didnt really sleep then i still manage to pass my online test praise God for tt. God has really been faithful to me. So mus continue to be faithful Him also.. amen! Jus today, finally experience something which i thought will happen in movie only. Was cycling.. kinda fast as well. Suddenly, the car infront of me opened the door. It happened so fast tt i cant even swerve off in time, bang. i knock into the door, somehow a miracle happened at least to me. i didnt do the 360 flip neither did i fall onto the road. The bike swerve upon impact. I kinda like glide across the handle bars and end up standing on the road.. with my bike behind me. I was also kinda shock.. really thk God i didnt land onto the road.. think there was a oncoming car.

All i suffered was a bruised and sprained pinkie (probably cant play guitar for a period of time) and kinda whack my lower part of my leg against the bike and twisted it. (not virtually twisting it). well at least i can still walk but with a limp.. and cant really twist my ankle. Well. i really thk God i didnt do a 360 flip or crash directly in to the door in which both will end up with serious consequences. Thank my Dear Father in heaven praise you. Amen.