Seasons in life....

Seasons in life.. sometimes, its such season that one is really brought to his knees and desperation.. where rest so to be in denial and troubles just piled up and up. I asked this question... what is the preparation and where and how does it link up. It seems like something big is happening and theres a need for prep. But no matter how it seems it jus doesnt really linked up. The amt of pain, physical, emotional, spiritual all direction jus came crashing down. The fear was knowing that its a testing and having to gone thru' a state of decay and seeing body jus getting worse plus all the areas. Fear gripped me.. its a testing, but i cant seem to be able to go through this myself, i dunno how to share and who to share with.. feeling lost and confused. Am i going to end up cursing God and fail Him in this testing? As a matter of fact, God knows the outcome, that i can be sure that He will be victorious and His name be glorified. But the fear is there, what if i make the choice and i failed the test. Sometimes it seems better off not knowing that its a test.. maybe not.

Hav a long chat with Doz.. the things shared simply reflected the state.. i have been through this. It like the second time... having to come to the point of rest in God, the point of grace.. resting in His strength and peace when all things fail.. where physical sleep is been denied, where eveyr ounce of the body is screaming, where reasons fail and cannot be understand. The act of learning to come to the point of grace... crying out to God and really letting go of the defences and to be totally broken down. Thats when grace of God comes in right at the very moment before u crash fully and lifted by His grace.

Alot of times, i fight alot and i keep fighting and fighting.. all this while with my physical strength. everytime, i need the grace and strength of God to fight and thats only happens when i am willing to give up my strength and realise the its God's grace and strength tt i need each day. It the act of coming into His rest and sanctuary where peace and joy still fills the soul and heart when reasons and everything fail. s