Its been half a yr since i left singapore on my own. Recently having lotsa of flashback.. ever since the hospital stay. Alot of things are zooming thru my mind. Its time to take a look back wat happened, analyse, learn n move to improve my life and walk with God.
The day tt. i got onto the plane. The sadness seems so overpowering n tears would jus appear anything. I really wonder why am i here in brisbane? Y brisbane? y not anywhere. Are there regrets or other stuff. God leaded me here for a reason. I was practically dyin off in sg spiritually. I am in the dire straits.. n almost giving up. Overpowered by all the stuff going thru my mind. I would have started to stop attending church and stuff, even so if i am attending, it would be a routine jus to follow.. simply no feelings, commitment. I jus wanted to give up on so much stuff. Life is really down n down n down.. i dun even see any light.
I have been running away frm so many things. Caught so by the past, refusing to let it go. Even how hard i tried.. i still refuse to let go of it myself. Days n nites of sadness, brokeness, fear, tears, pain, depression... Simply wish i could jus disappear into thin air. The chains seems so hard to break, the darkness was so overwhelming in my life. Was in need of a release n freedom frm the darkness which tied me down.. I was jus running away n avoiding everything to the extent i am so tired of it. Tired of numbing myself till it hurts so much. till it seems i am totally jus pain..
It was the same almost everyday.. n all the way even when i touch down into brisbane. Things slowly started to change.. In a new enivronment, things change n freshened up. God is slowly reviving my life everyday over here in brisbane. Its seems like i am running away frm things again. It was at the beginning. Coming to a point in time i slowly commit it to God. Casting my anxiety n burden unto Him.. He didnt even wait for a moment.. jus as i have been in sch for the 2nd or 3rd day.. i meet President Xi (hahaha) ... i was sitting there alone in sch on the bench.. I am kinda like a fallen away christian.. "lost sheep" venturing out into other places. God, my sherpherd hasnt given up on me all this while. I was like invited to attend a bbq which i missed haha. i got the time mixed up n also feel like running ard instead of joining them too. It might be a good choice haha. I was like kinda hesitant n wanted to explore abit more n find a suitable place. I jus wanted more options.
The strangest part is the more i run away frm CCM.. the more they came appearing before me. Let put it this way.. i went back to sch..to like check out some stuff. yeah.. i thought y not go check out if there is any club hse in sch then maybe can pop in n visit all th christian grps. Well sad to speak.. there isnt any club hse... end up waiting for the market day. It finally came.. i was walking out.. to Kidney lawn. Whoa there was so much pple ard. there the tentage was there infront of me. i walk ard.. havin a look. was like wanting to to walk inside but i hav crowd phobia.. so decided man.. jus go home... somehow instead of walking on the pavement.. i was drawn towards road.. n walking down. Somehow the christian grps was seem to be hidden away frm my sight. As i walk. the first christian grp appeared infront of me. Guess wat, its CCM. I was thinking should i jus walk over there n find out more. Even before i was like able to make up my mind i am already slowly walking towards the booth. hmmm. then again Mr President Xi appeared out of no where.. Ninja???? haha jus kidding. after couple of mins there.. the guy with the cap appeated n starting to talkin to me as well. He none other then Mr Vun Jie Lun kekeke.. think tt his chinese name.
Well the talking went on for a while.. he actually invited me to care grp, church. Was persuaded to join ccm. In my mind i was thinking i want to try other grps.. available but somehow i was getting tired of walking.. so i though i might come another day.. but i was left with little choice.. cos the market day is only one day in Garden's Point. So i thought might as well. I am in... I mus admit.. i was still strayin away frm God still.. tt friday was care grp day. i was like kinda forgotten abt it. i was with my hse mate.. in the city havin a drink. suddenly it pop into my mind.. i look at the timing.. its was like 6pm.. hmm. so i thought should i try to go down still... i called alvin.. n somehow God works in a way we can nvr imagine. i still manage to get there.. To me i was thinking its more like a social visit still i didnt want to join as yet. Well. i mus admit.. God somehow make CCM like a superglue.. i kinda like stuck there haha.. Now i am with Daniel Five, a great n marvelous grp.. energetic, fun loving, FRESH pple. =) Fact is i am stuck n not only tt.. i am stuck to God even closer then before. Starting to attending church.. but i didnt change much i mus admit.
The real change came...on tt faithful nitez. haha. it might sound abit funny... tt nite was kinda gloomy n rainy... cold n wet nite. Was attending the combine prayer mtg. Tt was the nite where my life was totally shaken up.. opened up. Alvin was giving a lesson on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I first heard abt it.. quite some time back. After i heard abt how Mel life changed after being baptised by the Holy Spirit. I was rather keen on it. I mean if it really make me yearn for God more, n outgoing for Him..i would give it a shot. I was dearly in need of a spiritual revival in my life. My life really changed tt nite. Its like being renewed n restored, my life slowly opened up.. i feel more joy in doing things, everything seems so much brighter then before.. Its like being flooded till overflowing with joy n fire for God. I am still changing still to be a better christian n Christ like. There still room for improvement.. and i will keep on pushing on n improving. one area of improvement is need of compassion for others. yeah.
There are lot of things to thk God for, thkful for pple who nvr give up on me. In sg, they been there for me.. even thought they might not know wat happening to me then.. i really thkful to God for puttin them in my life to support me n reminding me of Him in tt i didnt give up on God totally.
Thks to All Kaleo pple!
Special Thks
Men's grp: Pastor Andrew, Andy, Bun, Robert, Acts, Weijie, Hock, Lawrence, Daniel.
Brothers: Eddy, PC, Justin, John Wong, John Chew
Sisters in Christ: Su_lynn, Sze Sze, Sylvia, Mag, Alicia Boo, Alicia Lim, Lynn, Sharon, Angela, Grace
