Fighting with the strength of the Lord... Though sometimes i might fail or feel tired, i certainly will not give up fighting. Things are abit complicated at the moment.. believe tt the Lord will clear things up for me..

Watch the moves
Watch the mouth
Be cautious and not slack down...

I cant afford to .. or else..

Breaking point....

Today... is almost to breaking point. So much stuff pushing out of my brain... i feel like exploding.. and feeling very sick as well. Ever since it started.. the peak was at convention.. I simply feel like screaming my head off.. The assault was really non-stop n its simply so hard to handle.. Lord help me, i need your strength my Lord... i really need it.

Even today... i nearly broke down into tears.. well in the room. I am so lost, the storm within is hard to quench and been praying and praying.. but the pedal doesnt seems to ease off at all. Do i have to face this again.. especially during this period of time. Emotionally drained... so drained... Lord, i need your strength, wisdom and revelation...

3 weeks.. in a row.. on pa, sunday can never be more tiring. Was so happy that can finally sleep till later.. six am.. ring ring ring.. i was huh.. i didnt set my alarm using tt phone leh.. i call back the miss call.. ta da!! congrats.. we are on for PA.. still drowsy frm my sleep.. quickly wash up and get ready. Frm tt time.. its a really tiring.. time onwards. totally knocked out during sermon.. and headache setting in.. feeling really sick.. and tired..


As the time proceeds on.. till the end of service.. was feeling drained.. thoughts starting flowing in.. it seems like the season is pretty long.. for a lot of pple. The question pop into my mind again.. was like.. nah.. not again.. no no no...but still thk God manage to get a short nap before shedding wool... seriously.. i really dunno wat to think and feel at this times..

Much much later at southbank.. see this beautiful rainbow.. was like wow.. its a full rainbow.. took some pics of it.. later as i move in further.. wah -ha.. see another rainbow above tt rainbow... its like wow.. reminded abt God's covenant.. with His pple. its a beautiful sight.. My mind was flooded with thoughts again.. n after seeing the double rainbow.. everything vanished. Meet up with Vun, Hoong, Ming, Allister for dinner at westend.. its was a great dinner.. after finishing sat ard and chatted.. but somehow the topic shifted onto me again.. the last thing.. i expected was to hear Hoong ask the question.. i was like.. oh no.. not again.. The headache started coming back again...Thk God the topic shifted off.. phewz.... yeah

After a while later, we head off for a movie.. while vun headed home. When at southbank... i told Hoong.. tt i saw a double rainbow.. He was wow.. and say "Haha, a double confirmation>> so wat were u praying for me??" -_-'''''... literally lost for words.. and started recalling did i pray and ask God for anything before seeing the rainbows?? Yeah i did.. no need to write it out.. its confusing.. one more.. thing.. tt one.. no need to write out as well... Keep prayin and seeking.. cant make any mistakes.. no room at all..

is it really happening?????/

Counting down....

3 months (more or less)??? Canada isnt really tt far off, i will be uprooting myself soon to travel to the place where God has called me to. Its gonna be exciting and total dependence of God. The need to adapt and change to new environment and new life style, culture etc etc.

When the calling came, its last yr.. seem meh chiam like long way to go loh.. but now.. see see so fast sia... quick till see no thing at all. Definitely miss miss lotsa pple leh.. but then hoi.. have to go still.. It confirm plus guarantee chop.. its not a bad bad thing lah.. instead it beri beri goodz..

aiyo.. going to miss sa singlish.. there were the times hoi.. where english is sing sing.. mia play play meh.. soon it will be bonsoir, meric, bonjour, comment est-ce-que vous vous appelez??
but i believe i can do it because God is with me !!!!

Au voir, la nuit

Déchire

Déchire cette chute, mais aucun ne verrait

Déchire cette chute, mais on garderait

Déchire cette chute, mais on saurait

Something just been left behind and something that is close. Most of the time.. is just a sight and never to be kept. Best things in life sometimes is just sight and knowledge that everything is fine and good with the person.

Departure time is getting closer... recently doors are close and not really thinking too much of it well sometimes it gets back at you, sticking around and poking and poking... simply just makes a person wonder. Still praying and hoping.. its so near and yet so far. Soon it will get further and further away... its really hard to come by such opportunity and rare to find back the feelings that you thought will never again be found.. Yet when its found, it just have to face a wall..

Waiting and patience is a virtue... and total dependence on God is one tough thing yet to be mastered. But i wll press on for the Lord. Be with me O Lord... once again i commit and place everything at the altar and coming back to your side, sitting on Your lap and holding You tightly. Crying out to You, knowing that You are the one whom will always be with me, always and forever..

Longing to be in Your presence
Adoring and marveling at Your beauty
Where praises and worship never ceases for You
Where Your awesome glory and honour is displayed
At Your feet, where all will bow in reverence and fear

Strict, just and righteous is the Lord
Yet so gentle and merciful
Who's love never ends towards us
Who's always watches over us

The oncoming battle

i feeling really weird.. orientation is like coming on monday.. Just simply felt like a something major is going to happened. Feeling is like exploding feeling in my heart and sense of major battle and victorious feeling.

Jsut felt a battle is going full, images of vast armies clad in shining armours and weapons glimmering and all full on to move into battle once again. Felt a conviction tt i will have to fight on in GU and push for it. Whatever tt happens is not about me but who God is and who is the commander of the army. Suddenly was reminded of the verse Jos 5:13-15 again. God is moving and His armies seems to be moving out as well.

Where's love that's strong as steel?
Where's love that's sweeter then honey?
Where's love that's enduring?
Where's love that's faithfully showered?

That's the love of our Saviour,
That's given freely to all,
Love that binds and saves
What more can I ask for..

Hmmm...

Erm i hope i didnt do the wrong thing. Just hope that everything is still fine and well. Really dun want unnecessary headaches and watever. Lost for words...

(If you are reading this, rest assure its not about you. Its something else)

Open, close, open, open, close, close
So is it open close or close open
Or is it always open
Or is it always close
Or at the start there wasnt suppose to be an open or close.

Relationship aiyo! Beh tahanz!

Decision in life often seems so tough. In regards to relationship, it seems like climbing Everest. Requires steps of care and consideration not jus for ourselves but for others around as well. Careful planning is required.

Facing the person is like in a storm, waves of emotion churning up and down within with overwhelming effects that sometimes seems to drown the person. Self-control or just pure endurance or stuffing into a bag which end up either as excess burden. Maybe a time bomb waiting to explode anytime resulting in a total sense of loss and tears to bear at the damage.

Tts y its dont play play and must pray pray alot and hard hard

Another wk has passed.. things just seems like so interesting. Only a while in sg, already got hospitalised. I guess this is the first time, my family saw me in such condition.. probably got a big shock. My life seems to be on the line alot of times.. but i guess this is how I can really trust in God for His powerful protection and grace =) Its a new yr.. look forward to it.. its also ended.. so maybe its time to think abt it now.

7 more days to go.... it will be finished. Whats the plan?? kinda tough, i am so lost.. so so lost.. i really dunno how to sort things out and i have to.. aye. Before I go, need to sort out. hmm

Never once was.
Never started
Never has an ending
Probably never will...

Things arent really in control.. lost and struggling.. hmmm

Seasons in life....

Seasons in life.. sometimes, its such season that one is really brought to his knees and desperation.. where rest so to be in denial and troubles just piled up and up. I asked this question... what is the preparation and where and how does it link up. It seems like something big is happening and theres a need for prep. But no matter how it seems it jus doesnt really linked up. The amt of pain, physical, emotional, spiritual all direction jus came crashing down. The fear was knowing that its a testing and having to gone thru' a state of decay and seeing body jus getting worse plus all the areas. Fear gripped me.. its a testing, but i cant seem to be able to go through this myself, i dunno how to share and who to share with.. feeling lost and confused. Am i going to end up cursing God and fail Him in this testing? As a matter of fact, God knows the outcome, that i can be sure that He will be victorious and His name be glorified. But the fear is there, what if i make the choice and i failed the test. Sometimes it seems better off not knowing that its a test.. maybe not.

Hav a long chat with Doz.. the things shared simply reflected the state.. i have been through this. It like the second time... having to come to the point of rest in God, the point of grace.. resting in His strength and peace when all things fail.. where physical sleep is been denied, where eveyr ounce of the body is screaming, where reasons fail and cannot be understand. The act of learning to come to the point of grace... crying out to God and really letting go of the defences and to be totally broken down. Thats when grace of God comes in right at the very moment before u crash fully and lifted by His grace.

Alot of times, i fight alot and i keep fighting and fighting.. all this while with my physical strength. everytime, i need the grace and strength of God to fight and thats only happens when i am willing to give up my strength and realise the its God's grace and strength tt i need each day. It the act of coming into His rest and sanctuary where peace and joy still fills the soul and heart when reasons and everything fail. s

Sink it it....

Jus today have a chat with ah mingz and ah hoongz.. its been really like ages.. since we sit down and chat. Even though its only a short while.. the feeling is great. Still remember going out with them in West End sitting down chatting and enjoying slurpy.. That was when i first came over haha...

Sinking in it.. share with them abt what happened.. to me during this period of time.. Words are hard to articulate whatever that has happened. It can only be felt and seen by the person's own eyes and body. I was once again brought to reason for going thru trials and refinement. Sometimes is we asked God for it and other times it just slam straight in the face. I am going to sink the reason into my heart and hold on to it always. It started on tt nite, i was thinking abt life in the bathroom.. I was brought to the story of the precious pearl and the merchant searching for it and give up everything just for the pearl itself.

Figurativelty, Jesus is the pearl and i am the merchant. The day i accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour is the day that i bought the pearl. Everything was sold and in exchange for the pearl. Nothing belongs to me becos i have sold them all to have Jesus in my life. Everything that i have including my body belongs to God. Its like God is lending it to me for period of time. I should all the more take care of myself and change my life style to keep healthy and strong for God's work and stuff. I decide to change my life style.

Next, i saw a image of a game which i am playing and was creating soldiers frm the barracks for war. Every soldier that came out frm the barracks shouted "My life for Lordaeron!". At this moment, the question pop into my mind, "Who does yer life belong to?" Being a christian, we are also soldiers for Christ fighting against the enemies. A soldier is loyal to his king and even to the point of death. I just simply start saying "My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!" Yes, this was the starting point of the testing. The night onwards, things jus simply become worst. I was really push to the point of going back on what i said. It was truely painful and long season to go through, but God grace and strength has brought me through. I will still say this words, " My life is for the Lord Jesus Christ!"

Praise and Glory only to God!

Point of Grace

Each day, passes by and come to a point of time whereby everything jus fails and no reason could explain whats happening in life. What is ahead is as dark as the night fall and everything jus seems to disappear. Tears jus couldnt stop falling and cried simply seems unheard at all. Taking away the resistance, taking away the barrier, taking away everything the surrounds the person.

What left is jus himself and emotions, life laid bared for all to see. The point of breaking down and being push to the edge where death is the only release. Its only at this drastic point, the point of grace.. The grace of God seems so strong and overpowering, simply whispering this words, "My child, i am watching over you. Come to me, you will find yer rest in Me." Jus like a father, holding his child in his arms, the child just cried and cried. The grace that sustains and comes at the right moment, no wonder its call the sweet grace of God. In midst of everything being torn away and the grace of God is simply so sweet and comforting amidst the bitterness and pain that floods a person soul.

Each day of living through the life, is only by the grace of God, in this time of pain and testing, i really felt God's presence and His power. The words of His simply comforts me and my soul could find the rest and peace in Him alone.

Sweet Grace of God

In midst of pain,
In midst of sorrows,
Where hope seems to fade each day,
Where life seems overwhelming,

At the breaking point,
Tears fall uncessingly,
Pain and sorrows floods the soul,
Amazing grace of God appears

In the stillness, hope abounds,
Grace that calms the raging seas,
Grace that calms the storms,
Grace lifted up the afflicted, hurt

How sweet, the sound of grace
That calms the soul, the pain and the hurt
Peace and joy fills the heart to overflowing
For indeed His grace is sufficient for me