Jus a thought

Sometimes if things can be more specific.. it jus might work well. At least less pondering n dwellin on the issue. Seems kinda pointing in tt direction but it seems not at the same time. Well. maybe sometimes.. its jus the step of opening the mouth n ask?? haha... =P Still feeling great even when i am tired. Joy seems to be overflowing haha.. kinda excited abt attending daniel 4.. hmm how would it be like.. haha. Really like the mighty daniel family.. da best!!

COming back to the point again. Its really funny how things can be so coincidental or it is suppose to be tt way. haha. It like flipping the name ard, moving up to the next letter. guess wat.. its her name haha. I was like wondering.. how come the name reminds me of someone. After much scrutinising.. i was WOW!! could it be possible.. fact tt it is possible since i have already seen it. Well shouldnt dwell on it too much.. Got more impt things to focus on. WOnderin how everyone in sg is doing.

Wish someone could give me a hug.. haha. cheeky cheeky cheeky.. a hug tt jus symbolise frenship.. encouragment even if its frm a guy.. its great! I still can hug God!! Awesome!!

So tired.. ahhh. My eyes are bearly able to keep itself open.. everything seems so bright tt my eyes cant even focus properly. Need to big break.. miss home food.. where is my chicken rice, roast pork rice, all the food ahhhh.. where has it disappear.. wahhh.. haha.. not frustrated actually jus wanna hav abit of fun. Jus wish could jus sit down by the beach again.. n let the cold wind blew onto my face.. its so refreshin.. lookin up into the dark sky...all the stars jus baskin away. its so relaxing.. lookin forward to the time to do tt. But still now even tired.. i dun feel really tt frustrated.. becos God is with me.. amen!! He is sustaining me.. if by my own strength i probably be foaming on the grd.. heez. I may still be down with flu.. but i am leaning against the best best best best fren.. GOD!! Thank you GOD!!!

Name

Hmm.. its abt my name.. haha.. not tt i am a self freak.. jus wanna remind myself of certain things. yup yupz.. =P n this is why i chose the name.. its wasnt until after a while i chose the name then i really realise it.

Jabez: Sorrow, pain....

1) Remember Jesus died on the cross for our sins. The pain of being beaten, flogged, pierce by the nails.. all this becos of our sins.

2) Remember the pain parents go true to bring me up. The love they showered n the support they given to me. They are really marvelous n wonderful gifts tt God has put in my life. They are precious to me.

3) To be a blessing to others.. Avoid inflicting pain n hurt to others. Be sensitive to pple feelings. Avoid disobedient to God n make God heart hurt, sad again.

Psalm 71:14-24 (English Standard Version)

¹⁴But I will hope continually
and will praise you yet more and more.
¹⁵My mouth will tell of your righteous acts,
of your deeds of salvation all the day,
for their number is past my knowledge.
¹⁶With the mighty deeds of the Lord GOD I will come;
I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone.

¹⁷O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
¹⁸So even to old age and gray hairs,
O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
your power to all those to come.
¹⁹Your righteousness, O God,
reaches the high heavens.
You who have done great things,
O God, who is like you?
²⁰You who have made me see many troubles and calamities
will revive me again;
from the depths of the earth
you will bring me up again.
²¹You will increase my greatness
and comfort me again.

²²I will also praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praises to you with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
²³My lips will shout for joy,
when I sing praises to you;
my soul also, which you have redeemed.
²⁴And my tongue will talk of your righteous help all the day long,
for they have been put to shame and disappointed
who sought to do me hurt.
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I jus find this verse while reading the daily bread.. jus cant resist putting this on the blog!! Its AWESOME!!

wats next.. comin up.. more surprise in life.. woohoo.. THis kinda exciting, life seems to be changing so fast.. n pace is gettin faster. Slowly i feel the change in me.. its great. Cant wait to embark on this journey with God... still tryin hard to be the man after God's own heart like King David. I jus wanna be changed by God n not turned back again to wat i am.. This is probably the happiest period of my life. i am kinda like bursting with joy n hope. Still remember the tears.. n pain but life is always filled with hope n love becos God is always holding me close to Him.. Been attempting to do things i nvr done before.. like the o' wk.. approaching pple.. i mus admit i didnt have the courage..but i did tried at least.. Practise make perfect.... Best of the things.. the Kingdom of God is advancing!

The feeling of being free.. is so exhilarating.. the things tt bind me down in the past.. are almost broken... Praise God.. i finally slowly lettin go of things. Tts really great. There still room for improvement.. i mus continue working on it.

LOve ActuAlly

HMm.. this is an old show.. haha. jus finished watching it. QUite sentimental kind n tear inducing.. heez. Its bring a emotional touch, the warm feeling of being loved n the happiness tt comes with it. Its jus all ard.. love btw. pple, frens, family, etc n the greatest love displayed the love of Jesus.. AMen!!!

Sometimes, its kinda of a stupid feeling, looking ard searching for the love? Where is it? HOw do i go abt finding it.. even when i am writing this i am laughing n smiling away. Life has nvr been so light hearted.. for a long long time. Something has indeed changed.. refreshing.. a totally new being. Definitely not becos of the show =) It is becos of God.. Haha.. still where my life partner haha? i jus cant stop laughin at myself haha..

Arent it sweet n assuring to know tt God is the pillar and strength which we can fall on without having to worry. Indeed it is. Worship not only about sing praise to God but everyday of life, lifestyle etc is a method of worship to God.

Something something something

Its great to be able to see someone frm kaleo again. Sylvia.. Yeshhh.. i finally got my plums.. plums.. plums.. plums.. mmmm.. plums... yippeezzz yipeezz. I wish i could jus see some pple.. jus wish they could jus appeared in front of me.. wouldnt tt be great.. Jus wondering how the rest of the pple are getting on. Time sure have fly past so fast.. 1/2 a yr has past yeah.. across the oceans.. I begining to like this place. its a great place.. though.

Finally get my hands down on my camera.. haha. been running ard.. taking photos... but most of them got deleted cnmi. its great.. photography.. one of my hobbies.. over here is so much natural.. so much to see. n take.Yesterday was a really really cold day.. i finally had my trip on the city cat at nitez.. its even colder. Arent it stupid.. a guy jus standing out in the city cat.. watching the scenery when its so cold outside... until i really cant stand it... its kinda nice trip.. but no scenery on some parts.. Thoughts jus soar thru my mind.. couldnt capture it at all.. but its all happy thoughts.. for the first time.. was smiling away. The words tt i say to sylvia is rings in my mind. Is there something tt will change everything? (this not the words hahaha)...

MCT

finally got my chance to reach Mt Cool. it is cold up there.. riding to there n going up the slope is a massive killer. Feel so tired.. n sweaty.. Got a view of the entire brisbane city.. not bad a view.. haha but didnt bring camera well batteries not inside n no new batteries. its been so long since i cycled so far.. nice.

On the way back tt the best part of all. My bicycle back tyre punctured.. ahhhh. have to push frm Mt Cool area all the way back to west end.. wah.. it really dampened the mood. Well.. thk God i had music to listen to all the way back to home.. Now i am feeling tired.. really tired.. still hav to get my bike fixed asap. yeah.

Sleepless in Brisbane

Ever wonder how tough it is to jus lay on the bed, tryin to sleep when u are tired but still cannot sleep.. toss n turn in the bed to early morning. I cant really sleep.. not only becos of my bio clock change.. also other stuff on my mind.. its been a long time since i had insomia.. other then the long periods with i had during my time in sg. the worst was the last few months.. before i flew off. "Revenge of the Sleepless".. i hate U!!!!!! haha

Rain

Its rainning again.. it jus reflects the mood tt i am in.. really down. The cycle goes on.. breaks n goes on.. it up to myself to get out of it... the decision is my own. Feelings jus seems to be stronger, its feels so frustrating.. i hope i wont have to go thru all the stuff again. Its going to be real tough... I am to be blame once again..

Showers tt come..
Cold breeze tt blows..
Cold and dark it is..
When will the sun shine again..
Silence cries of the heart..
That couldnt be heard..

A nice day??

Hmm.. jus wondering was it a nice day?? been rainning straight for 3 days.. today we had bbq in the passing rain.. had a great time.. bbqing.. well this time rd i did most of the eating instead of cookin heez..

also had a gd time feeding the sea gulls, ducks and a the long beak bird.. ever seen a duck got chase by lotsa of gulls.. whoa.. partly becos of my fault..was feeding the duck give it a big piece of bread.. suddenly the gulls swarm n tried to snatch the bread frm the duck.. poor thing .. it zoomed all over the water.. surface tryin to escape the attack.. everyone was shocked.. at the chase.. it lasted for couple of mins..

later went for movie war of the worlds.. well it didnt turn out to expectations.. the ending was abrupt.. n anti-climax.. almost fall asleep during the movie though. Hmm.. yeah jus remember.. jus now.. a faulty wire on the wire line also was giving off starks.. at first was jus one bulb going on n off. Then came the servicemen.. within half n hr the whole street blackout.. haha.. first black out over here though.

Dogs came into my mind.. like dogs.. the husky came in heez.. once saw 2 big huskies.. one snow-white the other browny, black.. they look AWSomezz.. n so beautiful.. wow.. i wish i had one too.. was thinkin if i ever have a dog. i will either go for a big big one or a small small one.. heez.. siberia husky if i didnt get it wrong.. it should be the biggest husky ard.. my fren told me tt they are very strong n kinda stubborn though. i still like them hhaa..feel so tired.. body clock is totally reversed.. n now its strugglin to change.. watever..

Well its over..n wat next

Exams r finally over.. wat should i do then?? most of my frens are going back to sg.. i might not even have the chance to go back for two yrs.. it seems.. or even longer? I really dunno. its 4 plus in the morning i should be sleeping.. but somehow i am still awake..

The thing on my mind now. is jus feelings. Sometimes it jus seem so funny.. feeling often so sticky n so hard to shake it off. Jus hoping tt things arent really going the way tt i am thinking of tt particular direction. Or else.. i going to have a really tough time again... Should jus let it continuing growing and increasing or jus simply force it to stop growing. Sometimes it can really be so deceptive and confusing. Wat exactly is happening in my heart.. hmm... this time rd it might be a big problem... n headache..

The Battle field and the General

Time have pass so fast its the last paper... been so many times tt ihad fought losing battle in my own life. But many times i have been left standing surviving the battle. The Lord is Great General leading me in the battle field. Without Him I wouldnt have been sitting here still. Give thks to the Lord of hosts... our loving & faithful Father. Kind, compassion, ever loving. To Him i commit my battles n everything into His hand. He is Lord forever, without Him I am nothing.

wats going to happen next.. thing seems so bleak.. how i wish i could disappear from sight.. *poof*

Last thing i would really think of its BLACK OUT!!!!!!!!!!! Wat happened?? I black out during my exam today.. the moment i start reading paper.. everything was erased. i cant remember wat the course name, no. and even wat is the name of my degree.. at the moment jus feel like cryin out.. n walk out of the exam hall. End up writing lotsa of rubbishn junk into the paper. got a feeling i going to buang badly..

Sometimes i really wonder am i for real?? WAt exactly am i feeling.. its kinda disturbing n sad.. to be happy or to be sad at the knowing seeing things n way it is.. Suddenly everything jus came crashing down again. Feel crush.. feel so alone.. where everybody?

What has happened?? It jus something i cant grasp nor understand. Was it becos of me tt things have to turn out tt way. Its not the first time... y did have to happen. In the end, if everytime it is supposed to be this way.. i shouldnt have bother even to think or start. It simply happened so fast... tt it really puts a person into a shock... n no ans, wat n how should i go abt doing it.

Situation can be in such a state... i cant possibly think would really happen. Its totally like a 360 change.... frm the start things will nvr be the same again.. n it will nvr be as in the end. Now the fact is, i dunnno wats right n wrong, it so grey out there. Wat if it has to happen again.... and again n again. It not so easy to handle it.. it can drive a person to wits end. Only to regret tt it turn out this way when in the first place it wasnt mean to be such a situation. It wasnt even towards the end... but still it has happened...

wat should i do... wat am i suppose to do.. how am i suppose to go abt doing it. It can be so demoralising... to the point of giving up n back to square one.. which i had chose to change for the better of it. y?

Flu, cough and fever....

Wat a good combo to have now.. haiz.. so tired.. feel like collasping. Tomolo still got early lesson.. sian everyone lesson ended. jus us.. lesson still go on.. n exam is on the sat!! lesson doesnt finish until thu.. still coughin n wheezin.. sneezing like mad. ahhhhh..

Lord, i really need yer healing hand be upon me, strengthen O Lord, teach me to continue trusting you even at this point of time. Let me not give up.. but continue to press on even when time is tight to do my QT, prayer and attending church n care grp. Commit my studies, n health into Yer Mighty hands Lord. FOrgive tt i havent been taking care of myself, sins tt i have committed as well as any transgressions... in Christ name, i pray amen..

Thank you, Lord for always loving n forgiving all this time.

Tugging at the heart...
Sticky as it usually is....
Will it ever end...
Will it ever end...

Every now and then...
Comes and goes...
Just like the wind...
Jus like the wind...

Sadness comes...
Painful it will be...
Soon it will be gone...
Soon it will be gone...

It time to sleepp

Yeah.. going to sleep after blogging. Exams jus next wk.. gotta push to gear 4 already.. whack all the way.. but still hav to spend time doing my qt. Got a mission in mind, hope its according to His plan. Haiz.. today bicycle pengz at the junction of the traffic light. was tryin to avoid some pple n the next moment my right leg is under my bicycle n hitting the pavement n road.. its hurts.. tomolo the bruise will sure appear. Kinda stupid.. to fall in such a way.. dunno wat i was thinking of as well. feeling very tired n drowsy.. flu is there.. want to sneeze but cant sneeze ahh.. wats this. irritating. finally got myself a mini vacuum cleaner for $20. work well.. indeed.. thk God. easier to clean up my clean.. yippe.. sleep.. later still mus wake up to study.. sleep.. NItez.