Rain

Its rainning again.. it jus reflects the mood tt i am in.. really down. The cycle goes on.. breaks n goes on.. it up to myself to get out of it... the decision is my own. Feelings jus seems to be stronger, its feels so frustrating.. i hope i wont have to go thru all the stuff again. Its going to be real tough... I am to be blame once again..

Showers tt come..
Cold breeze tt blows..
Cold and dark it is..
When will the sun shine again..
Silence cries of the heart..
That couldnt be heard..

A nice day??

Hmm.. jus wondering was it a nice day?? been rainning straight for 3 days.. today we had bbq in the passing rain.. had a great time.. bbqing.. well this time rd i did most of the eating instead of cookin heez..

also had a gd time feeding the sea gulls, ducks and a the long beak bird.. ever seen a duck got chase by lotsa of gulls.. whoa.. partly becos of my fault..was feeding the duck give it a big piece of bread.. suddenly the gulls swarm n tried to snatch the bread frm the duck.. poor thing .. it zoomed all over the water.. surface tryin to escape the attack.. everyone was shocked.. at the chase.. it lasted for couple of mins..

later went for movie war of the worlds.. well it didnt turn out to expectations.. the ending was abrupt.. n anti-climax.. almost fall asleep during the movie though. Hmm.. yeah jus remember.. jus now.. a faulty wire on the wire line also was giving off starks.. at first was jus one bulb going on n off. Then came the servicemen.. within half n hr the whole street blackout.. haha.. first black out over here though.

Dogs came into my mind.. like dogs.. the husky came in heez.. once saw 2 big huskies.. one snow-white the other browny, black.. they look AWSomezz.. n so beautiful.. wow.. i wish i had one too.. was thinkin if i ever have a dog. i will either go for a big big one or a small small one.. heez.. siberia husky if i didnt get it wrong.. it should be the biggest husky ard.. my fren told me tt they are very strong n kinda stubborn though. i still like them hhaa..feel so tired.. body clock is totally reversed.. n now its strugglin to change.. watever..

Well its over..n wat next

Exams r finally over.. wat should i do then?? most of my frens are going back to sg.. i might not even have the chance to go back for two yrs.. it seems.. or even longer? I really dunno. its 4 plus in the morning i should be sleeping.. but somehow i am still awake..

The thing on my mind now. is jus feelings. Sometimes it jus seem so funny.. feeling often so sticky n so hard to shake it off. Jus hoping tt things arent really going the way tt i am thinking of tt particular direction. Or else.. i going to have a really tough time again... Should jus let it continuing growing and increasing or jus simply force it to stop growing. Sometimes it can really be so deceptive and confusing. Wat exactly is happening in my heart.. hmm... this time rd it might be a big problem... n headache..

The Battle field and the General

Time have pass so fast its the last paper... been so many times tt ihad fought losing battle in my own life. But many times i have been left standing surviving the battle. The Lord is Great General leading me in the battle field. Without Him I wouldnt have been sitting here still. Give thks to the Lord of hosts... our loving & faithful Father. Kind, compassion, ever loving. To Him i commit my battles n everything into His hand. He is Lord forever, without Him I am nothing.

wats going to happen next.. thing seems so bleak.. how i wish i could disappear from sight.. *poof*

Last thing i would really think of its BLACK OUT!!!!!!!!!!! Wat happened?? I black out during my exam today.. the moment i start reading paper.. everything was erased. i cant remember wat the course name, no. and even wat is the name of my degree.. at the moment jus feel like cryin out.. n walk out of the exam hall. End up writing lotsa of rubbishn junk into the paper. got a feeling i going to buang badly..

Sometimes i really wonder am i for real?? WAt exactly am i feeling.. its kinda disturbing n sad.. to be happy or to be sad at the knowing seeing things n way it is.. Suddenly everything jus came crashing down again. Feel crush.. feel so alone.. where everybody?

What has happened?? It jus something i cant grasp nor understand. Was it becos of me tt things have to turn out tt way. Its not the first time... y did have to happen. In the end, if everytime it is supposed to be this way.. i shouldnt have bother even to think or start. It simply happened so fast... tt it really puts a person into a shock... n no ans, wat n how should i go abt doing it.

Situation can be in such a state... i cant possibly think would really happen. Its totally like a 360 change.... frm the start things will nvr be the same again.. n it will nvr be as in the end. Now the fact is, i dunnno wats right n wrong, it so grey out there. Wat if it has to happen again.... and again n again. It not so easy to handle it.. it can drive a person to wits end. Only to regret tt it turn out this way when in the first place it wasnt mean to be such a situation. It wasnt even towards the end... but still it has happened...

wat should i do... wat am i suppose to do.. how am i suppose to go abt doing it. It can be so demoralising... to the point of giving up n back to square one.. which i had chose to change for the better of it. y?

Flu, cough and fever....

Wat a good combo to have now.. haiz.. so tired.. feel like collasping. Tomolo still got early lesson.. sian everyone lesson ended. jus us.. lesson still go on.. n exam is on the sat!! lesson doesnt finish until thu.. still coughin n wheezin.. sneezing like mad. ahhhhh..

Lord, i really need yer healing hand be upon me, strengthen O Lord, teach me to continue trusting you even at this point of time. Let me not give up.. but continue to press on even when time is tight to do my QT, prayer and attending church n care grp. Commit my studies, n health into Yer Mighty hands Lord. FOrgive tt i havent been taking care of myself, sins tt i have committed as well as any transgressions... in Christ name, i pray amen..

Thank you, Lord for always loving n forgiving all this time.

Tugging at the heart...
Sticky as it usually is....
Will it ever end...
Will it ever end...

Every now and then...
Comes and goes...
Just like the wind...
Jus like the wind...

Sadness comes...
Painful it will be...
Soon it will be gone...
Soon it will be gone...

It time to sleepp

Yeah.. going to sleep after blogging. Exams jus next wk.. gotta push to gear 4 already.. whack all the way.. but still hav to spend time doing my qt. Got a mission in mind, hope its according to His plan. Haiz.. today bicycle pengz at the junction of the traffic light. was tryin to avoid some pple n the next moment my right leg is under my bicycle n hitting the pavement n road.. its hurts.. tomolo the bruise will sure appear. Kinda stupid.. to fall in such a way.. dunno wat i was thinking of as well. feeling very tired n drowsy.. flu is there.. want to sneeze but cant sneeze ahh.. wats this. irritating. finally got myself a mini vacuum cleaner for $20. work well.. indeed.. thk God. easier to clean up my clean.. yippe.. sleep.. later still mus wake up to study.. sleep.. NItez.

Fishing in Autumn.

Three guys out in the freezing water.. standing there to fish.. any better ideas.. haha.. its was a freezing fishing trip. was shivering n shaking so badly when we came out of the water onto the pavement.. the wind was blowing so strongly.. feet was so numb frm the cold.. n it turn so red... wat can be better to havin to change in the open behind the car with the wind still blowing.. wah.. shivers n goose bumps. Facing the same problem again.. the ach is coming back again.. seems like the coldness is causing very sourish kind of aches at the spine where the bone is bit off. now the knee cap seems to be acting up again.. should hav taken better of myself when i was younger. the ache is quiet sickening, though haiz.. time to sleep.. *Yawz***

Still awake again..

Somehow jus dun feel like sleeping.. want to study but cant really concentrate. Sometimes i jus wish the time would stop n reversed, so certain time can be revisited n change for the better. Its jus impossible.. so impossible. Jus dunno how to describe the feeling inside myself. Theres a thought which is in my mind recently, how should i go abt handling it. Haiz.. jus dun want to run away frm it..

Wat.. wat.. wat...

Wat is love? SO many kind of love.. the greatest love ever shown.. was the one when Christ die on the cross for our sins. The pure love of God for us.. the greatest sacrifice.

Ahhhhh..

Haiz.. cant believe it.. friday sprain my thumb while tryin to sit on the chair.. end up the chair spring back upwards.. trappin my thumb in a awkward position.. n i end up siting on the edge of the chair.. while my thumb was stuck in the awkward position. the end of the day realise i lost my pencil case.. sadz.. it has been with me since sec till now.. n its still in good condition. hope i can still find it tomolo..

Got some thoughts in my mind.. need to write it out.. flooding me up>>> haiz need time to sit down n pen them down first. i want to sleep.. sleep sleeep..

late night again..

hmm... finally got my light.. so i wont have to worry abt knockin into things at nite. when i switch off the lights.. on n off night blindness can be so troublesome.. n got some fruits n cereals.. havin stomach problems.. which means budget is broken again.. haiz.. but at least the things bought are for a valid reason n not for fun. yupz..

Took a walk in the open space in the hse compound.. its very very cold.. brrr.. got mistaken as a thief.. cant blame my hse mate.. cos i walkin ard in black .. n he got frightnened..time to sleep n rest.. feeling very tired.. exams less then a mth away got to push on further n faster.. yupz. but continue to trust in God for wisdom.. n guidance. lookng forward to the coming care grp n prayer mtg. yeah..

y am i still awake

Arent i tired..n sleepy. y am i still awake.. am i pushin myself too hard? dun want to end up falling sick.. but i am too slack?? headachez..

Presentation.. wear a pair of leather shoes then couldnt fit my feet.. simply hav to squeeze my feet in ouch.. haiz.. if only we can dress casually for the presentation.. think i was kinda nervous.. seem like i am shouting at the audience, also forgot my points as well. Good thing its over.. hmm seems like i hav to go source for a cheap pair of leather shoes n a tie, pants..

God ans my prayer... yippee. yesterday nite pray tt i can make it for the prayer mtg. wasnt really too confident tt i could make it. today seems like the presentation drained my leader so much tt he decided he needs a break.. to recharge. tada i am on my way to the prayer mtg. Also mus thank God i didnt really got lost on my way to there. journey safety plus rite choice of directions.. thk God for His guidance. Had a great time at the mtg. cried n my eyes was kinda swollen, its was a gentle reminder frm God of my current situation n status.. i should have trusted Him more.. n focus more on God first.. indeed.. ahh feeling hungry.. n sleepy.. haiz..

Sorry... for all tt i have done.. really sorry abt it.. its all too late.. all the hurt tt was done..sorry.

Jus Him

Breeze the gently brushes by
A ting of coldness rides down the body
Sitting by the river wallk, staring out
A beautiful sight of the city lies in view

Gently as the breeze blows by
Pondering upon the thoughts in mind
While stars shines brightly above in the heavens
A wonderous sight and marvelous view

As the breeze brushes by
All quiet and peaceful
Tears start to fall, a form of release
Gone are the worries & sadness with the breeze

A new start to begin with
To continue pressing on in life
Amid all the obstacles and pitfalls
Hope will always be there

Where does in come from
From the God who loves me
Who knows me
Who always will be with me

He knows...

He knows our burdens and our crosses,
Those things that hurt, our trials and losses;
He cares for every soul that cries—
God wipes the tears from weeping eyes. —Brandt

Tears are often the telescope by which we can see into heaven.

He the one who see everything, knows everything, indeed

possum, ducks n pyro!!

Possum.. saw one on the bridge connecting to a blk.. haha.. so cute. a small n chubby one.. jus feel like cuddling it.. playin with it. CUteezzz.. Quite surprise to see it in the building area.. instead of out in the open.. hmm. next time mus bring camera n capture it.. Quite funny.. also saw two cute little ducks.. strolling along jus outside the library haha.. it also so cutezz.. in a single file..moving arrd.. looking for food. they jus dont seem to be afraid of human..

Pyros.. its really great.. the fire works display.. seem like over here will be able to see lottsa of fire works display.. nice. been so long since i have seem fire works display so near n upfront.. its indeed beautiful n wonderful.. Starts to have feelings of missing home.. n pple in there.. jus wondering how all there are doing.. looking at the stars.. reminded me of her again.. the cute little girl haha.. know her since sec sch.. glad she doing well in sch n life n walk with God.. indeed she has grown n mature alot.. feel happy n glad for her. yeah.. along will come along another n another person.. haha.. seems nvr ending.. but its all abt the same. jus thk God tt friends we still are.. yupz