Enduring, pushing on.... ahhhh.. It seems like.. sometimes, we are assigned on cases to handle and to pray for.. pretty much there.. Jus wondering is there someone on my case?? or is it btw me and God only??

Eyes can tell heaps of stuff.. aye.. sometimes i wish i could tell frm a person's eyes directly what is going on... every single thing, wont tt be easy to sort things out. Nah... dream on.. but i really wish i know wat the eyes are saying.. Something tt is given back to God with heaps of effort somehow is return again or is it new stuff growing...

Wats the next step to it... scratching my head.. still pursuing after God for strength and wisdom and control. But inside.. is like the pressure and turmoil is definitely tremedous.

Question: Is this even suppose to be happening?? Am i the main cause of it?? Did i do something wrong tt cause it to happen??

Trying really hard to make things right... it seems alrite still. But things are happening in really interesting ways.. till i am caught by surprise even though i thought i am yeah.. can face it.. the next moment.. i am like ahhhh under the wall... >_<"""

What's the main point of going thru' this?? There must be something tt has to be learn frm this.. i believe.. probably i am too blinded and confuse to listen to God's speaking... very like probability.

pretty much feel like.. losing alot of close frens.. back in sg. As i look back.. everything has change.. life has changed. Everything familiar has changed. Changes is alot of things tt cant be fore see.. after been away for so long. Accept it and blend in.. not much time available for that. How long will i be in sg or will i be in brissy. Not long.. after building up the frenship here.. and learning life and having the support.. it has to be let go.. once again.

Writing a new chapter in life.. been talking abt this alot of times.. aye.. yeah pretty much adding on. I now kinda of understand wat it means to for anyone to follow Christ, hav to leave behind everything, including family, frens, comfortable living conditions. Leaving for Canada is like leaving behind such things.. for sake of God's Kingdom. Its hard, its painful.. though but its definitely worth it. Starting a life dependent on God and being with my relatives whom i didnt see them for many many years. Moving ard.. cherishing every single moment i still have left with my family and frens.. Moving on.. still much stuff... i wish i could jus type in out.. but most are beyond words and cant be mention for certain reasons... But believe everything is in control by God..

It super weird.. hey... blogger website in chinese. Ahhh.. dun know wat happened seems like someone change the settings in sch computer.. Thk God i know wat the buttons are.. if not hav to check dictionary to findo ut wat the chinese character means.

Back to topic... Thought that things are going to be better.. but it isnt hey... have to press on..
And best thing is i forget there was a meeting at beng's hse... ah dan.. said "Mel is going to kill u...." yeah. well kill me lor.. heez i believe she wont .. There's so much stuff in my mind.. i still remember abt the meeting thingy like this afternoon ... eventually forget to check out and end up forgetting it as well.. ahhhhhh.. trouble is brooding.. Going thru' the same thing doesnt mean tt u will be able to handle it without trouble aye. Instead it makes me think alot more.. tricky and sticky situation...

May May May.. next up is June.... big changes are happening already... jus feel that the person i can depend is still God. I will be like on my own.. again.. away frm support and presence of my fren's in brisbane. God will be my support and teacher i suppose.. and whoever He place in my life to train me up.... To Alberta and to montreal...

This is like standing infront of the river.. and its gushing... taking the step of faith into the river tt comes frm the God.. to be immerse in it.. and be wash along with the currents and trusting in God all the way.. the sound of it is becoming stronger.. almost like i am already near to the edge..
"Jump in.. jump in" "do not worry becos I will be with you all the way my child"....

Please Lord give me the strength to jump in .... n be lead by You...

It passing on... one chapter of life is almost finishing and another chapter will be starting soon. Sometimes, i wish i could turn back time and change a little things here and there to make things look a little nicer and a little better. But its always this little things tt cause tremors in life yet most of the times are left unnoticed. But it leaves a impression tt make me think again when the past flashes by. Things tt need to be rectified, restored...

Coming close to the grips of death and escaping it by a thread... now i kinda understand how time actually slows down.... and thoughts will start to swell in your head.. after the incident or during the process of it. Nvr really like staying in hospital, the place where u get to experience the pain and suffering pple gone through. But its the only time, where i am exposed to how God's grace and strength has brought me thru'. How many of the pple in there have already heard n accepted Christ. Lonliness and emptiness fills the heart of the pple... some been in there so long the hope they cherish seems to have disappeared.

The time there was spend reflecting and reading the bible.. tryin to understand wats the lesson behind everything tt happened. Coming back to the feet of Jesus, spending the precious time with Him. Crying out to Him and leaning, depending on Him. Reflection of how life has been wasted for things tt aren't impt. As i think and think abt the things that are happening. Its really learning to draw into God's presence in the midst of illness and everything. Finding rest in Him even when there seems to be no one is able to help and comfort. Journey of faith into the unknown ahead following where God wants. Coming again to taking risk for God and looking towards Him and following Him no matter what life circumstances are.

They said.. after experiencing near death, paradigm of a person changes and the person learnt to cherish life more. I agreed on tt.. but wat i want to achieve is more like cherishing the time tt i have now to serve and be used for God and putting my life out for Him. Taking new risks and moving out for God.

Php 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Things seems to be getting better.. the fighting within has gone down.. but not the physical fighing... I have been fighting with the toilet bowl for the past few hrs.. stupid diaherra, cough, flu.... driving me nuts... Esp the diaherra.. came back with a vengence after like 2 days.. ahhh....

Fighting with the strength of the Lord... Though sometimes i might fail or feel tired, i certainly will not give up fighting. Things are abit complicated at the moment.. believe tt the Lord will clear things up for me..

Watch the moves
Watch the mouth
Be cautious and not slack down...

I cant afford to .. or else..

Breaking point....

Today... is almost to breaking point. So much stuff pushing out of my brain... i feel like exploding.. and feeling very sick as well. Ever since it started.. the peak was at convention.. I simply feel like screaming my head off.. The assault was really non-stop n its simply so hard to handle.. Lord help me, i need your strength my Lord... i really need it.

Even today... i nearly broke down into tears.. well in the room. I am so lost, the storm within is hard to quench and been praying and praying.. but the pedal doesnt seems to ease off at all. Do i have to face this again.. especially during this period of time. Emotionally drained... so drained... Lord, i need your strength, wisdom and revelation...

3 weeks.. in a row.. on pa, sunday can never be more tiring. Was so happy that can finally sleep till later.. six am.. ring ring ring.. i was huh.. i didnt set my alarm using tt phone leh.. i call back the miss call.. ta da!! congrats.. we are on for PA.. still drowsy frm my sleep.. quickly wash up and get ready. Frm tt time.. its a really tiring.. time onwards. totally knocked out during sermon.. and headache setting in.. feeling really sick.. and tired..


As the time proceeds on.. till the end of service.. was feeling drained.. thoughts starting flowing in.. it seems like the season is pretty long.. for a lot of pple. The question pop into my mind again.. was like.. nah.. not again.. no no no...but still thk God manage to get a short nap before shedding wool... seriously.. i really dunno wat to think and feel at this times..

Much much later at southbank.. see this beautiful rainbow.. was like wow.. its a full rainbow.. took some pics of it.. later as i move in further.. wah -ha.. see another rainbow above tt rainbow... its like wow.. reminded abt God's covenant.. with His pple. its a beautiful sight.. My mind was flooded with thoughts again.. n after seeing the double rainbow.. everything vanished. Meet up with Vun, Hoong, Ming, Allister for dinner at westend.. its was a great dinner.. after finishing sat ard and chatted.. but somehow the topic shifted onto me again.. the last thing.. i expected was to hear Hoong ask the question.. i was like.. oh no.. not again.. The headache started coming back again...Thk God the topic shifted off.. phewz.... yeah

After a while later, we head off for a movie.. while vun headed home. When at southbank... i told Hoong.. tt i saw a double rainbow.. He was wow.. and say "Haha, a double confirmation>> so wat were u praying for me??" -_-'''''... literally lost for words.. and started recalling did i pray and ask God for anything before seeing the rainbows?? Yeah i did.. no need to write it out.. its confusing.. one more.. thing.. tt one.. no need to write out as well... Keep prayin and seeking.. cant make any mistakes.. no room at all..

is it really happening?????/

Counting down....

3 months (more or less)??? Canada isnt really tt far off, i will be uprooting myself soon to travel to the place where God has called me to. Its gonna be exciting and total dependence of God. The need to adapt and change to new environment and new life style, culture etc etc.

When the calling came, its last yr.. seem meh chiam like long way to go loh.. but now.. see see so fast sia... quick till see no thing at all. Definitely miss miss lotsa pple leh.. but then hoi.. have to go still.. It confirm plus guarantee chop.. its not a bad bad thing lah.. instead it beri beri goodz..

aiyo.. going to miss sa singlish.. there were the times hoi.. where english is sing sing.. mia play play meh.. soon it will be bonsoir, meric, bonjour, comment est-ce-que vous vous appelez??
but i believe i can do it because God is with me !!!!

Au voir, la nuit

Déchire

Déchire cette chute, mais aucun ne verrait

Déchire cette chute, mais on garderait

Déchire cette chute, mais on saurait

Something just been left behind and something that is close. Most of the time.. is just a sight and never to be kept. Best things in life sometimes is just sight and knowledge that everything is fine and good with the person.

Departure time is getting closer... recently doors are close and not really thinking too much of it well sometimes it gets back at you, sticking around and poking and poking... simply just makes a person wonder. Still praying and hoping.. its so near and yet so far. Soon it will get further and further away... its really hard to come by such opportunity and rare to find back the feelings that you thought will never again be found.. Yet when its found, it just have to face a wall..

Waiting and patience is a virtue... and total dependence on God is one tough thing yet to be mastered. But i wll press on for the Lord. Be with me O Lord... once again i commit and place everything at the altar and coming back to your side, sitting on Your lap and holding You tightly. Crying out to You, knowing that You are the one whom will always be with me, always and forever..

Longing to be in Your presence
Adoring and marveling at Your beauty
Where praises and worship never ceases for You
Where Your awesome glory and honour is displayed
At Your feet, where all will bow in reverence and fear

Strict, just and righteous is the Lord
Yet so gentle and merciful
Who's love never ends towards us
Who's always watches over us

The oncoming battle

i feeling really weird.. orientation is like coming on monday.. Just simply felt like a something major is going to happened. Feeling is like exploding feeling in my heart and sense of major battle and victorious feeling.

Jsut felt a battle is going full, images of vast armies clad in shining armours and weapons glimmering and all full on to move into battle once again. Felt a conviction tt i will have to fight on in GU and push for it. Whatever tt happens is not about me but who God is and who is the commander of the army. Suddenly was reminded of the verse Jos 5:13-15 again. God is moving and His armies seems to be moving out as well.

Where's love that's strong as steel?
Where's love that's sweeter then honey?
Where's love that's enduring?
Where's love that's faithfully showered?

That's the love of our Saviour,
That's given freely to all,
Love that binds and saves
What more can I ask for..

Hmmm...

Erm i hope i didnt do the wrong thing. Just hope that everything is still fine and well. Really dun want unnecessary headaches and watever. Lost for words...

(If you are reading this, rest assure its not about you. Its something else)

Open, close, open, open, close, close
So is it open close or close open
Or is it always open
Or is it always close
Or at the start there wasnt suppose to be an open or close.

Relationship aiyo! Beh tahanz!

Decision in life often seems so tough. In regards to relationship, it seems like climbing Everest. Requires steps of care and consideration not jus for ourselves but for others around as well. Careful planning is required.

Facing the person is like in a storm, waves of emotion churning up and down within with overwhelming effects that sometimes seems to drown the person. Self-control or just pure endurance or stuffing into a bag which end up either as excess burden. Maybe a time bomb waiting to explode anytime resulting in a total sense of loss and tears to bear at the damage.

Tts y its dont play play and must pray pray alot and hard hard

Another wk has passed.. things just seems like so interesting. Only a while in sg, already got hospitalised. I guess this is the first time, my family saw me in such condition.. probably got a big shock. My life seems to be on the line alot of times.. but i guess this is how I can really trust in God for His powerful protection and grace =) Its a new yr.. look forward to it.. its also ended.. so maybe its time to think abt it now.